Togetherness

Since you asked, here is an explanation of why our family is apart until the end of March:

1)  We originally planned on leaving in December but had that opportunity for Steve to TA instead (blogged about it in December but too lazy to find the link)

2)  We were going to stay as a family but a number of things cropped up for us.  Most prominently, we lost our carpool family and it became a fairly big headache to try to operate business as usual on that schedule

3) Steve's parents were leaving on the 24th of February and I wanted to have the kids spend at least a couple of days with them before they left for their trip (I also wanted to have some time to discuss the house, agreements on use of space, etc.)

4)  What was once a very enjoyable experience at the kids' school was a pretty bad situation for my kids.  Bridget's group of friends almost entirely disappeared (7 of her friends left her class from the beginning of last year until the carpool friend, who was her best, closest friend), Casey was really unhappy with school (the kids were really mean to each other and the teacher and I don't have the same values) and I felt like I had to bribe them to get out of bed everyday.

5)  The school really lost the interesting and unique edge that it had and simply became a low performing school.  The last week of school they had posted their API goal (for those outside of California, that is the number that summarizes how you did on your state tests) on every door in the classroom and were trying to get the kids excited about test scores.  I don't care if that is an effective method of bumping up a few points, who wants to be at a school whose goal is to increase their test scores?  After sacrificing an entire year of our family time for the school, it was tough to see that the way they were implementing the plans I helped write in a way that was so contrary to their original purpose.  I am not angry or disappointed, I just can't watch it.  If my kids had been happy we would have stayed but since it was such drudgery to them (at least the oldest two) I couldn't really find it in myself to say "no, really kids, things are great!"

6)  Steve really needs some time to get a good start on his dissertation.  Between driving the kids to school on the days he wasn't teaching, and trying to manage the household while I am working, he was getting very little time.

7)  I have an increased number of conference calls these days and getting a place where there are no kid sounds in the background in a small apartment is almost impossible.

8)  Trying to move and also keep clean a two-bedroom apartment with 4 kids in it= muy malo.  


So... did we improve our lifestyle by making the move?

New Commute= 7 minutes WITH traffic.  Niiice. Not to mention that school starts at 8:15, 15 minutes later than school started there.  Double nice.  We have a garage to mitigate some of the effects of living in a cold climate= triple the happiness.

Grandparent Time= wonderful.  We got to spend a nice couple of days with grandma and grandpa and it was genuinely fantastic.  We were able to have a good conversation about expectations for the house and use of space and hang out with the family in general.

School Experience= In spite of a bumpy first day registration, the kids are glowingly happy with school.  They come home every day reporting how nice the kids are to each other.  There is no bullying at their school, the kids don't use bad language, they share stuff on the playground, they accepted my children as peers immediately, and the school is not low performing.  The school is not particularly innovative and the level of Spanish is decidedly low rigor (Bridget brought home some homework with pictures of farm animals asking if they were *ciudad or campo which is something that she would have done in Kinder in our previous school) but at least they are getting Spanish at all.  The teachers send me an email on Fridays with updates for the week, everyone there is really friendly.  Even the secretaries after day one have been decidedly NICE.  No one has a hard time getting out of bed and they are all happy to go to school because it is FUN.  Imagine.  Learning is fun.

Steve= This has been the one serious downside. I really underestimated the impact of missing my husband like this.  We have been apart off and on during our marriage but this is different.  With lifestyle changes like we are experiencing,  I want to discuss with him every little detail of the day.  I think he is spared some really boring conversations with me, but I am just lonely for his company.  This is his culture, the land of his birth, and I feel like a foreigner seeing things through eyes of an emigrant.  I know it sounds funny, but all of our visits here and living here when younger were not real.  I never opened a bank account here or needed to get a Utah driver's license.   In terms of his productivity, only he can say.  Is that working for you?  I hope that he is getting a lot done though he is doing all the moving (totally huge fringe benefit for me.)

Home Life= Oh.  My.  What a difference square footage makes.  Don't let anyone tell you differently.  With JUST the downstairs area, I feel like I live in a palace.  The space is unbelievable and my kids seem to have a ton more to do with just a little more space. Fighting still occurs, but over the rules of games and rough housing, not space or toys.  When I have a call, I can walk in the next room and barely hear my children as they beat each other!  I won't go on and on about the benefits of living in this place but know that I am happy on that end.

It was the right thing to move here.  In spite of the temporary pain of separation, this was definitely a good decision for my children and ultimately, for me.