Beauty and the Teen

A friend of mine posted an article on the facebook today entitled How to Talk to Little Girls.  Certainly I concur with the author's point about the problem facing young women and an overemphasis on beauty.  It also sits well with me to encourage a young woman to develop her other talents and develop her mind.

But what bothered me a bit was to hold back enthusiasm about the adorableness of little girls because seriously, how can you not rave about someone that looks like this:

???

And when your natural instinct to express your love for how much she gives you joy to see her, witholding that enthusiasm and giving into a "don't you love to hike?  I do!" doesn't quite convey how much it pleases you to see her face.

But what struck me the most about this article is that it neglects the research that I believe to ring true--that the main influence on a young girl's body image is in fact her relationship with her mother as well as her mother's own body image.  Do these young girls seeking ways to be more beautiful have mothers who are completely satisfied with their own looks (not sure this is fair to ask, is any woman?)

I read an article years ago about the influence of a mother's body image and got some great tips:

• Praise your own body in front of your daughter by saying things like "don't I look good in this swimsuit" or "doesn't this color look pretty on mommy?"  
• Avoid saying things like "I am fat" or referring to your dieting practices. 
• Stay focused on health

I will admit that this was very difficult for me at first, not really feeling like "mommy looks pretty in a swimsuit" ever.  And, perhaps looking at this cyclically, my mother had a very tortured relationship with her own body image and constantly complained that she was overweight--at a mere 120 lbs.  I have never once in my life looked at my body with any level of satisfaction.

But wanting to try something new with my own daughters, I have worked very hard to appreciate my own looks in front of them.  I feel that this has been very successful and the level of confidence my oldest daughter has is tremendous in comparison with where I was at her age a quarter of a century ago.

This whole theory was tested last week when my 8-year old, watching me zumba to a youtube video, asked "Mommy, did you ever think that you were fat?"

YES!!! I STILL DO!!! DON'T EAT THAT DONUT OR YOU WILL BE FAT TOO!!!

But rather than shout my true feelings, I did what any good mother does: lie.

"Well, honey, I see other women, like in this video, and I know my body does not look like that.  What I try to think about is keeping my body healthy with good exercise and healthy eating so that I can feel good about myself.  So I try not to look at other women and notice what I look like in comparison with them."

She seemed pleased with my response--I had to really refrain from asking her why-- I am not sure if she was asking me because she was worried about her own body or if she was thinking that I looked kind of fat, I just didn't have the mental space to handle her answer if she said "well you are kind of bigger than those girls" when I was in the middle of sweating up a storm to lose those 7 grad school pounds.

I have come a long way, baby.

The main point I wish to make here is that refraining from telling a girl she is beautiful because you do not want to reinforce what society says only works if everyone else is fighting that battle too, specifically, her mother.   But we cannot pretend that beauty is going to be less important over time if we all just stop complimenting young women on their looks.  So I propose a compromise, next time you want to squeal in delight at the young curly-haired girl at the dinner party:

1) Stick with a focus on the talent as the primary goal of the conversation

2) Still tell her she is beautiful, for what harm does it do for her to believe it about herself?

3) Compliment yourself in the conversation so she sees role models who are confident

Imagine this modified version of the conversation:

"Look at this beautiful child!!! What are you reading beautiful child with the yummy curls?  I LOVE books too."  And when she says that she reads books all by herself?  You say "Are you kidding me?  You read a book by yourself?  Age 5?  That is completely awesome and actually pretty rare." 

And as you are telling her about the book you wrote, the success you experienced as a professional woman and your favorite color somehow comes up, why not throw in a "...which is why I wore this green dress because really, don't I look fabulous?"

I want girls to understand that their talents, intellect, and hard work are key to confidence and identity. But I also want them to feel confident enough in their looks to allow them to put their talents on the front page and hearing other women say that they are beautiful (even when we perhaps are not) seems to me to be a much better way to respond to our own instincts about complimenting a cute face while raising healthy girls.

Goblin Valley Experience

This weekend I went to Goblin Valley, for those who don't know, it is a crazy amazing place 3.5 hours from where we live now.  I can't explain it so I won't try.  Here are several shots to attempt to capture the beauty of it:

It really is like a bunch of little rock goblins.  Speaking of little goblins...

Then my phone died. So I didn't capture the loveliest of all, my new amor for the outdoors that I discovered in a slot canyon. Little Wild Horse Trail. So I have to borrow some pictures from other sources, pretend like the kid in this picture is one of the young women in my ward or one of my own wee ones:

 Or...

Prior to this trip, when people would say "let's go on a hike" I would think things like uphill, stickers in my socks, plant identification, and being really thirsty.  But this kind of hiking, this kind of adventurous climbing and moving your way through small openings in rocks, now that... that is what I call a hike!

So fun, and I hope to repeat it several times over.  I am already trying to scope out a time when I can do it again.  Here is one more picture just for you to imagine it.  We saw several groups doing things like this so we could go under their legs to pass.  Again, don't know these people, but you can imagine that is the kind of group we might have seen.  If I get some actual photos, I will replace these.

Various kidlets

First, a detailed description of Meg's potty routine:



Second, a sample of the constant soundtrack that is my tweener son. 

Local Entertainment (updated to embed video)

Sleeping Fairies

This weekend my youngest child turned 3.

For the first time I have the youngest child potty trained (mostly) and no thoughts of one coming down the pipeline. 
We have diapers that we may never use.

We have 4 children who can articulate anger, frustration, happiness, and joy using words.

And how do I feel?


I know I am biased, but you can ask around--she brings joy to everyone she meets.  She hugs people, she laughs, she smiles, and when she flounces into a room, it feels like there is actually just a little more light. 

She refused to change her clothes and is in fact still donning the fairy gear now.  I suppose she really is magical, why not dress the part?

Why Spring Break is Super Awesome

Americans participate in a wonderful experience called "Spring Break" in which loving mothers everywhere have the opportunity to experience the sheer joy of play.

It has been cute to watch the girls around the house (and periodically Casey when he isn't mercilessly teasing the chicas) and I couldn't help but capture them this morning as they were happily playing.  The video is super blurry, but you get a glimpse of my gimpy little Meg and her magical smile.

Fun and Games

This afternoon we went to Trampoline Hell Heaven, a place called Jump On It located in Linden.  For those unfamiliar with this concept, it is a warehouse full of trampolines tied together.  Here are a few images for you to envision little Meg in the "Under 4 Feet" section

And here she is, we had to make a quick stop on the way home from Jump On It, which the nurse referred to as a Death Trap :

And here we are several hours after Jump On It:

When the doctor in the ER saw the x-ray with a broken tibula, he looked at the nurse and asked "Trampoline?" 

Happy Halloween

I think I have a bunch of other updates/explanations for my lack of participation in srbc but for now will stick with the current:

Happy Halloween breakfast for kids:

Puffy German Pancake. I originally got this recipe in college from my friend Emily but in the end had to look it up online and it called for using my cast iron pan. It was tasty. And of course I used whole wheat.

For the last several weeks my time has been taken by either traveling a ton (gone last 3 of 4 weeks) or by sewing this trench coat for Bridget's spy costume. She was happy and honestly I was pretty proud of the way it turned out for like 5 minutes.  Until I kept looking at it...

Bridget was my only child who cared about her costume.  Casey didn't bother because he is too old apparently.  But he did want candy so last minute grabbed a cloak from a few years ago.  And some paint from his Grandma halloween package.  He wanted to paint his skin black but I felt weird about that so we went with green.



















Gillian was a princess and then decided to be a vampire.  Bridget fortunately talked her into believing their makeup would be the same and anything involving makeup is a fun costume.  Apparently I didn't get a shot of her in the franticity.  Is that a word?

Next up Megs.  She refused to wear a costume in spite of looking so scrumptious in all of them:

Try #1:

Try #2:























Try #3 and final selection--bribed with "candy" to get her to get dressed (candy=fruit snacks)

For the actual trunk or treat event I tried to straighten her hair.  She looked really wild but it was fun--she refused to sit still and her hair was already fighting the straightness.

Here is our fancy trunk decoration:

And of course last minute we made Steve throw on a costume--one of my Blouses and a pirate hat from the costume box.  He wasn't too into it but he was a good sport about it. He looked adorable, really.

Since today is Sunday, we have a low key evening and we are having dinner with some friends instead of going out--I thought the kids would feel back but they got plenty of candy last night at the church Trunk or Treat so we are in good shape.  Have a bountiful Halloween of your own!

Meg Update

Happy Birthday Megs!

In honor of Meg turning 2, here is her favorite video of herself. Happy birthday little Megs!

The Return

So much joy. 

So much work.

Did you know that Meg was a lefty?

See evidence:

Up and Running

In case I missed posting an update, Megs is running around.

Here is a pic of her getting ready to excape.


























I must admit that I have made more than a few jokes about four kids pushing me over the edge this year so I have to apologize to Meg who has really been the innocent victim in this little scenario.

I have a few friends and acquaintances who have one child and I think periodically about what it was like when we had our first vs. what it is like for this poor baby who has suffered the unintended consequences of large families. Considering the fact that we were never very nervous people to begin with it may be scary for you to contemplate how much this cute little girl misses out on that her older brother did enjoy for a short time period.

For example:

• Crying children get a 3-4 minute grace period before someone actually makes a move to investigate (we do make exceptions for sharp cries of pain still though)
• Sippy cup? Wait are we supposed to teach her how to use a cup? Yeah she is still using a bottle and I haven't even thought about that one.
  
• Ages & Stages. I have no idea what she is supposed to be doing right now. I don't know her percentile for body weight, head size, length or really even if she is supposed to be in that forward facing carseat. The label said 22 lbs and I think she weights over that amount. I think.
• Dressing up to go in public. Thank goodness for freighbor and some of her cute bows because that is about all she gets.
• Meals. I wish I were lying when I tell you that she has eaten corn chips for a few meals. She has also eaten Fig Newtons and canned refried beans which, btw, she really loves.
• Bibs. I have some nice ones but a lot of times it just gets left off the list when frantically searching for food. Sorry.
• Baths. This is such a fun endeavor but after we get through no.s 1-3 we just don't have the time that frequently anymore. She looks clean mostly.
• Choking hazards. I will admit that more than one person has said to me "oh she has a marble in her mouth." I saw the marble. I just figure that if I am sitting right in front of her I will be around to help out.
  

I still get nervous something is going to happen to her. I still hover my hand over her tummy to make sure she is breathing if she is taking a particularly long nap. I still wonder if I am totally screwing her up. But managing a household of kids just is something that most people can't relate to until they have done it. I worry that I have a reputation as a mom who doesn't care about her kids, and after reading this list I can see why. In the end, it still melts my heart to see her laugh, walk, play with her siblings, and give her own special kind of hugs (known to some as forehead bumping). Most of all, I love to watch her concentrate and stick her tongue out while she is trying to do something. Like this:

There Goes the Neighborhood

Timeline of my sadness:

April 08: Our favorite "family" friends moved from the neighboring housing complex to New Mexico

July 08: Our upstairs corner neighbors, the people who were nicest to us when we first came (other than the "oh ___ you aren't Mormon are you?" when I didn't take her up on a margarita) moved out of our complex. Tt got kind of quiet since they took the domestic spats along with them but still we missed them and Gillian STILL asks for a playdate with their daughter.

September 08: My upstairs neighbors whom I had grown to love as my absolute favorite daily visit, moved a mile a way. That doesn't sound like a lot but it really is far, far, far compared to just running upstairs for a quick check in. I ought to be grateful because they stayed in town, but I miss the regular contact.

Modern day: Two of my recent neighbors, who also happen to be members of my ward at church, have relocated to live about 5 miles away. We will remain in the same ward and remain friends, but I am very sad by this. Proximity is everything.

One more neighbor will move next week taking with her my son's bffs for the last three years. Needless to say he is devastated.

Freighbor in particular is a blow to me as I have come to rely upon her for so many friendship needs I have. She stopped by randomly to chit chat last night with her adorable son who is not much younger than lil Meg and in spite of his predicable future political leanings, I hope that he will one day look her way when they are attending BYU. I cannot contain my sadness at their departure from the hood.

This is the life of family student housing in graduate school.

However, surely there is much to rejoice. I have acquired new friends who will forever be in my circle of digital friends as well as Christmas card list forever. But in addition I need to remember that I still live in a lovely neighborhood.

For example the delightful family that lives above us with the world's cutest little boy who I get to see gleefully climb and descend the stairs on the regular. I love having this family as neighbors, they are models of physical fitness and healthy eating and they spend so much time together as a family! They can be seen riding bikes, hiking, and smiling together on an ongoing basis (in spite of the fact that she is in the last trimester of pregnancy!) My only complaint is that they are so clean and organized! They make me feel like a crazy and chaotic mess.

I saw them at the park (another perk of living here) yesterday and I received a call from one of my principals-- my neighbor immediately offered up to watch Meg so I could carry on my conversation and while I was on the phone took several pics of Meg that he promptly emailed me last night.


















In case you missed the curls she is developing lately:

















Playing on the slide:




































How many of you have a neighbor who would volunteer to watch your baby on the spot AND take such great pics?

One Last Hurrah

I look at my calendar one day at a time.

Today I am leaving for a family event up in the CV of Cali and will return Sunday morning.

Just a quick five hour hop up for a one day thing.

I have several trips coming up in the near future and I can't look at my calendar because the snowball effect of it all has me tied up in knots.

For now I am going to ask some advice:

I am still nursing Meg. I have a quick series of trips in Aug/Sept and I am wondering if I should continue to take my pump with me and keep up the supply if she is going to be one in Sept anyway? Or should I just continue since I am down to pumping only three times a day while away?

This is my last baby people so I am having some sadness over it. Thoughts?

Whoops pt 2.

We had this magnificent plan to go to Costco and get our tires changed. Over $400! We didn't do it yet though because it takes 1.5 hours which we don't really have right now.

Anyway I walked down there with Meg and Steve and Gillian joined us later. Since I walked and we didn't think about it, we left the car seat at home and here I was faced with Gillian and Meghan, a short timeline, and no carseat.

It was then that I realized I should indeed make a sacrifice and put on brand new tires for my very trustworthy car that provides built-in carseats for such occasions. It isn't for her quite yet but it seems to work well enough to get her home.





























I know you want to see that face close up:



























I was kind of freaked out but then realized people used to do weirdo stuff all the time. Like my friend who told me she used to nurse her baby while driving sometimes. Wha? I would totally do that if it weren't illegal.

I thank my lucky stars it is illegal.

Dilemma

I will be in Indy on the 22-25 of April. Two days for travel are included so technically I leave on the 22 and get home on the 25 . I can't possibly fathom leaving my little Meg here and I have a lead for a sitter (holla K. Cook!) but I also can't imagine taking her with me. I have a very busy schedule on those days and I need the time to really focus on helping one my new schools get started. I only have two days and usually I go to dinner with them, etc.

Also I will be working from 7ish to 5ish not including evening dinner with the peeps (assuming they want to bond with me and all that) so the babysitting days would be long.

This summer during June and July I have to leave her for a week at a time so it is coming down the line at some point, I just don't want to do it now.

Steve is capable in spite of having left Meg at home during church and I am going to get an ankle monitor for her (kidding people) but don't you think it will be hard for him to be here by hisself? And what about Meg? Will she be so saddy?

The only consolation I have is that he is leaving fewer than four days later for two weeks and I will have all the kids by myself for all that time and the two days in Indy could be some solitude (sort of) so I could come home and take some vacation time and really just focus on the kiddies.

I won't think about the two weeks for right now, I am just focusing on the end of this month. What should I do? Will I regret it more if I take her or if I don't?

Faces and Places in Reverse

While on the road I took a few fleeting pics to share. I took off the app that took better pics because the apps blocked the geotagging for some reason. If anyone knows how to keep the geotag plus one of the phone apps let me know kthanx.

I am missing my babysitter from the last day because I didn't take a pic but many thanks to him too!

So thanks to Auntie Lissa for babysitting lil Meg in Napa for me while I was working for a few days:




























When I got home from NC a few days previous to leaving for Napa this was awaiting me. Bridget apparently grabbed the King Arthur Flour Baking Book (all Hail!) and decided she would make pancakes all by herself. Pretty awesome and they turned out to be splendid!




























She not only wrapped the pancake to keep it in the fridge but also saran wrapped the note for me to accompany it:



























This is Jaye, my babysitter in NC. Her mom actually is the one who watches Meg but Jen got the flu and Jaye stayed home from school to pinch hit! She is wow amazing and even after alllll day with the baby she was asking to hold her and take care of her in the evening. I felt kind of guilty keeping her home (her mom's idea) but I didn't have a plan B all the way across the country. Good thing Jaye is so super smart she is wayyyy ahead of her class.




























Here is Jen, the hero of my week-long visits in NC. In spite of taking care of her 5 yo who had the flu, and getting it herself she really did take care of all of my needs and even made an amazing pot roast. My only complaint about Jen is that she stays up too late and then tires herself out. Here she is up too late:

1...2...3...4?? 4???

I sing in choir for personal enrichment. I like feeling like I am contributing and I am also developing a talent that I would like to have. Last year since church was at 9 it was tough for me to get there early for practice on the days we would sing so I vowed this year I would try to be there early since we have late church now. Today I arrange a ride, then get all the kids ready in their church clothes and then finally put Meg down for a nap so my husband can mainly deal with the three older kids and theoretically be able to just walk out the door when it is time to come.

Enter conflict.

My husband walks into the chapel where I am sitting with two of my children, neither of whom is the baby. The following conversation ensues:

Me: Honey, where is Meg?

Him: She is refusing to come in from the car, the two girls were fighting again.

Me: Not Bridget, Meg. Honey, where is MEGHAN?

Him: [Look of shock] I am so sorry... [runs out the door]

I thought he was joking at first but when the look of shock never left his face I knew it was the real McCoy. He left her at home asleep and then drove off to church. I guess the girls fighting in the car was a major distraction.

I know you are now wondering what happened when he got home, was she okay? Did something fall down into her crib and suffocate her? Did the house catch on fire? Was she crying hysterically and now has major abandonment issues? Did something happen to him on the way home to pick her up and now she is there by herself locked in the house crying? Will I ever forgive myself for going to choir if anything happened?

Because that is what was going through my head.

I stepped out of the meeting and called him when I thought he had gotten home and he described her as "somber but not crying." He did mention a single tear that had fallen on her cheek from perhaps what could have been crying over having been abandoned.

How Babies Earn their Keep

In case anyone was wondering "How did Meg do on the flight across country?" I thought I would give some tips on traveling with a baby:

1. Don't take any stimulants prior to flying. I could feel my heart rate escalating each time she made even the smallest peep and had I had a speck of a stimulant in my body I would have had a heart attack.

2. Try not to sit next to a college-age male. Almost any other demographic is easier to sit next to then some attractive 20-year old while trying to maintain modesty of nursing your baby in small quarters. Also having a cute baby kick your seat companion's leg is easier if the person has either children, grandchildren, or likes to babysit.

3. Don't carry wipes. I have decided it is just another waste of space. In the event that your baby has to be changed, you have to go to the bathroom anyway and wet paper towels work just as well. Do what you want but I am telling you this piece can go. The only thing you need is a solitary change of clothing and three diapers.

4. Put a cute bow on your baby's head. I had a seat companion say "I am so glad you have that baby in a bow because it is so frustrating when you don't know the gender." Apparently this has caused him trauma in the past.

5. Try to plan for your baby to sleep on the plane so that she will instead sleep in the airport. If this happens, sit next to power somewhere so you can charge your laptop and ipod while waiting for her to wake up.

6. Make friends with the flight attendants. If you end up standing up in the back of the plane, it is easier if they are nice to you. On the way out to NC I had a meanie who said I was kind of in the way. On the way back I got a grandmotherly Spanish-speaker type who was totally enamored with Meg. Perfect.

In spite of the challenge of traveling with a baby and working insane hours PLUS staying up late/getting up several times a night, it was totally worth it. Here are some pics I took of her at the Las Vegas aeropuerto when we were on a layover. This is about 5 minutes before she fell asleep btw:

Meg's First Live Music

Congratulations to Tara for winning the prizeola !!! I will be back in town next week to send her items!! She is going to get a sample from this little group I am featuring today!

So in case you di'int not know, I am in North Carolina for work for 10 days. I brought Meg with me and Jenny (pseudo sis) is watching her for me! Jen and I usually go out for music über late and she has introduced me to a bunch of stuff--we saw Ingrid Michaelson and Josh Ritter when I was around 30 weeks prego, and prior to that we saw a few local bands, and then I rarely (kfine once) will tell her when a group I like is coming to the Raleigh area like Belleville Outfit so she can go check them out too...

Due to having a leetle one along, we decided to go during normal human hours to a local coffee shop and it was Meg's FIRST time ever listening to live música.

The band, called Perkasie (I think they were named after their home town) was amazing!!! I think they are my new favorite band.

There are four adorable little college boys with harmonious singing voices, fantastic percussion and bass with a simply marvelous keyboarder/ist? Kate is the only female voice with a hauntingly beautiful voice and their sound is very unique--they have this great harmony that lasts the ENTIRE song, not just the opening or ending like some songs. The keyboard guy I think writes most of the music and he is just a little bit genius as the music is unique and so enjoyable-- some of the riffs catchy as well. Some of the lyrics are whack and non-mainstream which is appropriate considering that the sign identified them as "Perkasie: an Indie band" and I think that the sound is better live than on the album (which indicates that they actually have so much talent it cannot be captured).

Here is a picture of the group--if I were a rich patroness I would give them a gazillion dollars so they could live off the fat of the land and just play music full-time instead of floating around on their winter break. Wait don't drop out of college kids, even if you make it big!



















Jen is standing fashionably in her shiny vest but on the right are the musicians. It turns out they are all college students in Pennsylvania and they are all studying music or business or both and they were the friendliest people ever (if I had time I would dedicate an entire post to the people of Penn. who I have found to be the nicest people of any state in the US thus far).

They dedicated a song to her ("this song is dedicated to that cute baby") which, sadly, is not available on their CD nor their website--one of the key lines was something like "lets do like bees and pollinate" or something along those lines.

So check out their myspace and give a listen to my favorite song called "Ginger Sobs" with the very clever and catchy chorus "I can hear my mother crying, she just sobs in perfect time."

BTW I did get a SIGNED copy of one of their CDs in which one of the band members wrote "tell your baby hi." Very cute.

Oh here is one more so I can enjoy the fun again: