For Posterity (and Rainy Days)

We've had bad luck with our kids.--they've all grown up.  
-Christopher Morley



Yesterday I woke up to a lovely poem on my nephew's 17th birthday:

This is what my nephew looks like now:

Yikes!!! I think I am getting older because I am in the same place these days.  My son is only 14, but I am feeling a similar nostalgia about him aging and going away.  I am recording this today as proof that having 4 small children actually pays off at some point.  I remember when a friend of mine had her first baby she said something like "You know before I had kids, I thought it was going to be 90% and 10% fun.  But when I actually had a baby, it turns out it was 10% work and 90% fun."  When she said that I thought she was so sweet but a little crazy.  It IS 90% work!!! 

But now, now that my youngest child is in kinder, I am getting there.  I still feel that my younger kids are high levels of work--they are always wanting things like food and help finding shoes.  But my older children, wow, what a sweet payoff.

They used to ask for stuff.  When they were this size:

But lately, when they call and ask "hey can I stay at my friend's house?"  I feel like saying "No!!! come hang out with me!!!" But I don't really have a reason to say no, so I just say "I guess.  Be home by 5:30."  

Because this is what it is like to hang out with them now:

And the feeling is bittersweet--because just as I like them more, they like other people more.  Just as I want to hang out with them and play games or watch youtube videos of stupid music videos from my childhood, they want to come home late from doing more fun things with their friends.

Soon enough, these wonderful little children will become actual adults and move out while I will be left wondering why I found cooking dinner such a chore after all.

I suppose having 4 children at least gives me a little extra time because while they are still asking for stuff and needing stuff, they are getting pretty fun too:

And even now, as I am posting this, I am worried about my kids' grades, their friendships, and developing the spirituality in my children.  But when Jenny posted her poem about her oldest child, it gave me a fleeting glance into my own future in which I am reluctant to let my kids go, I am devastated that they are leaving me and my first act as an empty nester is to show up on the doorstep of some poor child of mine and say "Hey, come home and watch this Jimmy Fallon bit with me."  

And their roommates will look them in the eye and whisper "Make sure she takes you food shopping while you are out."

Fairness and Equity (or, Teachable Moments Gone Bad)

Last night I made the mistake of trying to teach my children about equity and justice by taking advantage of a "teachable moment" when my eldest daughter's civil disobedience took the form of dereliction of duty on her chores.

Bridget didn't understand why she had to do her chore three times (dishes) and her brother only did his twice (cleaning off the counter tops).

The following conversation ensued:

Mom: Look, it is spring break, you are generating more dishes so when it is your day to do that job, you will do it more frequently.  So will the person who is on garbage, that is just the way it works.  I believe in equity, not fairness.

Bridget:  What is the difference?

Mom:  Equity means that every person has an equal shot at society (this is where I start to degenerate and change the point of my argument with her).  Say a family has their house burn down, the parents both lose their jobs, and the kids don't have anything to eat.  Then another family, with parents who have a good job and a big house, they are eating a frosty for dessert (gesturing to our own frosty desserts on the table).  They both go to the food bank, who should get the dinner?

Bridget:  They both should get the same amount (said with sarcasm).

Mom: You are a jerk.  I am not raising kids who believe that.

Casey:  That is a bad example.

Bridget:  Why would the rich family be at the food bank?

Casey: Duh, because they are giving the food bank food

Steve:  Wait, what if they are at the food bank because they feel entitled and just want more food?

Bridget: No, let me give you an example, there is a short guy, a medium guy, and a tall guy.  There are all these crates and they are trying to watch a game.  They each get a crate.  And then someone comes along and says "Hey, those guys didn't even buy tickets to watch the game, why are they getting to watch it for free?"

Needless to say, I did the dishes myself (though I did guilt trip her the entire time, resulting in a clean living room.)

Oh the Drama

Oh what a roller coaster ride it is to have your child set her heart upon the lead role in the school musical.

Let me start by making it clear that I have never tried out for a play in my life.  I have never auditioned for a singing opportunity--though I have sung a few solos and duets, I never tried out for them (LDS congregations are highly forgiving of off-pitch soloists at church).

So to say that I was unprepared for the drama of it, I really was quite unprepared.

I hesitated to share this given the nature of the experiences, but if I can help some other unsuspecting mother out there who thinks that she, too, is supportive of her daughter auditioning.  Names have been changed to protect the drama.

Because honestly, that is what it is--drama.  I understand now, when people use the phrase drama to explain some steep emotional roller coaster, they are simply referring to audition-like feelings.

Here is my story... rewind three days (remember this for the ending):

Eldest daughter:  What piece shall I sing?

Mother:  What part do you want?

Eldest daughter:  The Wardrobe!!

Live-in Auntie:  How about Shy from Once Upon a Mattress?  That completely fits this kind of character that you are aiming for, goofy but confident.  It is perfect.

Everyone:  PERFECT!!

We had a great time, she enjoyed practicing, I gave her some bad advice about body language (apparently you are supposed to plant your feet and keep your hands to your side, I told her to use the stage, etc.) and in the end she did get a callback.  And she worked pretty hard to get the piece down in a short amount of time.

But the callback was for Belle.  BELLE!  The LEAD PART!  And all of her friends got really on board with her playing the lead, their own shattered hopes placed firmly upon her shoulders as one who could get the lead part.

So alas, my beloved daughter, first time around for an audition, built up a 24-hour dream that she would get the lead.

Expectancy theory gets you every time.

Was she confident?  Yes, probably more than most of the other young ladies.  Was she a wonderful singer?  Competitive, perhaps not the strongest.  Was she physically belle-like?  Well.. you tell me:

(hello, time to update these pictures, sheesh!)

She has brown hair.  And that my friends, is enough of a detail to make a little girl feel that all her dreams will come true.

Well, back to my her emotional roller coaster:

After the callbacks yesterday, I asked my lovely who was the best singer and she very clearly stated that it was Rose (pseudonym, claro).  Rose, she said, "shattered all my hopes and dreams."  So, of course, she knew that Rose was a contender.

What she was not prepared for was Rose approaching her in the middle of the day (before the cast was listed) and saying "prepare to be my understudy" in the way that only a 5th grade girl can.  Honestly, it is a great line, even if a bit cheeky.   We added it to family lore of hilarious things to say when facing someone as a professional wrestler.

But the fragility of the 6th grade constitution cannot handle such comments at this tender age.  I can imagine my daughter started thinking that this little girl would get her comeuppance as soon as the casting list came about and she could even start to imagine some pretty snappy comebacks.

When the final cast was posted:

Daughter: Wardrobe
Rose: Belle

You remember that my daughter was seeking the part of the wardrobe, right?

And that we picked a part that would highlight her silliness so that she could get that exact role, right?

Remember that whole expectancy theory thing?

Needless to say, she was devastated.  She sobbed and crocodile tears fell as her little developing body shook in my arms.

I can't handle this story, can you?

I was a little parental at first about it, trying to talk her out of saying mean things about Rose.  But I tried to remember myself at that age and decided to just validate her feelings instead of trying to make her empathetic.  I lasted about 5 minutes before I tried to remind her that she had told me that Rose was the best singer (which she immediately and violently refused to admit) and that she wanted the wardrobe all along.  She cried periodically throughout our conversation and tried to come up with every excuse under the sun to explain the nepotism/politics/dumb reasons why she did not get the lead role.

Interestingly, little Rose called up about an hour after said conversation and apologized.  As in, my daughter got off the phone and said to me "she sounded really genuine."

Several hours later, these are the golden, beautiful words that came out of my daughter's mouth:

I am happy for Rose.  I know that I said she wasn't very good earlier, but that isn't true.  She was really good.  I am glad I did not get the lead, because SO many girls are disappointed and that would be hard.  And I think when she said that to me about the understudy, maybe what she meant was that she thought I was second best.  I am really grateful to my two best friends and for my mother who helped me today.

She finished off her little soliloquy by saying "Am I a bad person? Because I was really mean earlier when I said she didn't deserve the part.  She did."

My little mommy heart strings pulled so hard I thought I was going to cry again.

Thank goodness I can go to bed now, aren't you exhausted?

Mother's Day Hopes

Bridget asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I gave the standard answer:

I want everyone to get along and be nice to each other, and our home to be filled with peace, love, and harmony.

The response:

We can't give you that, what do you want us to buy for you?

Halloween Costume

These days it isn't really cost effective to sew. It isn't. There is some upcycling going on, but I haven't gotten into it quite yet. But to buy fabric, the pattern, and all the notions, you are looking at way more money for, in my case, a lower quality product.

However, I do make a costume each year for halloween for my eldest daughter who is really the only one to appreciate my antics. I have to say it has turned into an annual event which I enjoy tremendously.

This year I have actually finished the costume prior to Halloween which apparently gives me enough time to make one for Gillian.

Don't look too closely of course, but it was a fun costume to put together. My aunt Judy contributed the petticoat which really makes the whole thing anyway.

Why Spring Break is Super Awesome

Americans participate in a wonderful experience called "Spring Break" in which loving mothers everywhere have the opportunity to experience the sheer joy of play.

It has been cute to watch the girls around the house (and periodically Casey when he isn't mercilessly teasing the chicas) and I couldn't help but capture them this morning as they were happily playing.  The video is super blurry, but you get a glimpse of my gimpy little Meg and her magical smile.

Dia De Los Muertos

Some of you may recall a few years ago my sweet son created a tribute for my father in his art class (altar).  I didn't even know that he had done this work so needless to say it was pretty emotional.  I cried as I thought of my son brainstorming for whom he could make such a touching tribute.

So you can imagine my glee when last night we went to the kids' art show at the library downtown and I realized that the current 4th grade class had altars on display.  Which family member would Bridget have immortalized and written about?  My mom?  A beloved uncle?

 

*









The former SB School Board President approached me and said "I LOVED your daughter's display for Día de los muertos."

Yes, very touching.


*Translation:

Michael Jackson was a singer.  He was born the 29^th of August, 1958 and he died the 25^th of June, 2009.  He liked to sing and dance.  Many people called themselves to him, the king of pop.  He was seen as a girl, and the color of his skin, when he died, was pink and white.  He liked to sing and dance (and maybe beer, not sure what this word is supposed to be).  He did many crazy things.  For example, he had a son that he named “Blanket”. Michael Jackson sang Thriller, Beat It, Bad, and Billy Jean.  He was very famous during his life, but he is still famous today.  I think that he thought the name “Blanket” is good.   I also think that he is the most crazy is the whole world.  He said dancing is very fun.

Happy Halloween

I think I have a bunch of other updates/explanations for my lack of participation in srbc but for now will stick with the current:

Happy Halloween breakfast for kids:

Puffy German Pancake. I originally got this recipe in college from my friend Emily but in the end had to look it up online and it called for using my cast iron pan. It was tasty. And of course I used whole wheat.

For the last several weeks my time has been taken by either traveling a ton (gone last 3 of 4 weeks) or by sewing this trench coat for Bridget's spy costume. She was happy and honestly I was pretty proud of the way it turned out for like 5 minutes.  Until I kept looking at it...

Bridget was my only child who cared about her costume.  Casey didn't bother because he is too old apparently.  But he did want candy so last minute grabbed a cloak from a few years ago.  And some paint from his Grandma halloween package.  He wanted to paint his skin black but I felt weird about that so we went with green.



















Gillian was a princess and then decided to be a vampire.  Bridget fortunately talked her into believing their makeup would be the same and anything involving makeup is a fun costume.  Apparently I didn't get a shot of her in the franticity.  Is that a word?

Next up Megs.  She refused to wear a costume in spite of looking so scrumptious in all of them:

Try #1:

Try #2:























Try #3 and final selection--bribed with "candy" to get her to get dressed (candy=fruit snacks)

For the actual trunk or treat event I tried to straighten her hair.  She looked really wild but it was fun--she refused to sit still and her hair was already fighting the straightness.

Here is our fancy trunk decoration:

And of course last minute we made Steve throw on a costume--one of my Blouses and a pirate hat from the costume box.  He wasn't too into it but he was a good sport about it. He looked adorable, really.

Since today is Sunday, we have a low key evening and we are having dinner with some friends instead of going out--I thought the kids would feel back but they got plenty of candy last night at the church Trunk or Treat so we are in good shape.  Have a bountiful Halloween of your own!

School Uniforme

That is not a typo, in Spanish we call it a uniforme.

And my eldest daughter has decided she doesn't like the white polo.  Before you get annoyed, let me tell you a little tale:

Last year at the kids' school, families asked me if we were going to do new uniforms along with the new school name and charter.  At the time I said "there are no plans to do that, but even if we do, we will allow the old uniform until people grow out of them."  But apparently I lied.

This summer someone decided to get a new uniform, new colors, new everything---and not let the old ones fade out of existence slowly.  If I were a real environmentalist I would be annoyed on behalf of all the cotton grown and then thrown out in favor of getting a new pritty color.  But I am not a real environmentalist, so I will just be cheap and say that with three kids and only planning on staying here for 6 months, it was annoying enough to have to drop $150 on approximately 3 T-shirts, one white polo, and one aqua polo per child.  The office staff was kind enough to let me know that I needed at least one aqua polo for field trips.

So... three weeks into the school year AFTER I have spent my money, a nice little noticia comes home stating that the T-shirts are only for Fridays and we must have a polo during the weekday.  Well, since I have already spent the money, I don't really want to go out and get more polos, right?  I mean, you are with me on this so far, no?

But Bridget is not with me--or anyone at the school on this as she feels it somehow violates her personal freedom to have to wear a polo.  So she wears the T-shirt a few days in a row until she is informed that she will "lose free dress day the last Friday of the month" if she wears the T-shirt on any other day.

I almost told my daughter that if they can't enforce the uniform policy on her now, how could they enforce it on free dress day and were they going to expel her or something? But decide to lay down the law and support the policy even if I think it was badly done.

This morning, Bridget awakens to discover that she has no clean aqua polo, only a white one.  So she actually refuses to go to school.

Steve, being the super genius that he is tells her that she not only is NOT going to get to do dance (the special SWAT team at her school that just started) but that she cannot go to Disneyland again....(insert crying)... unless she works it off.  So her total chore set today?

--10 loads of laundry (it was 8 but since I mistakenly posted 10 on my fb status I will stick with it here)
--dishes
--spot carpet cleaning with a brush and carpet cleaner
--random other chores that we could think of
--unloading and putting away laundry
--cleaning off her dresser
--putting away the groceries
--babysitting Megs

I asked her "how was your day today?" and she predictably said that she missed school.  I said "what would you do differently?" she said "I would just deal with it."

When I asked her if she would wear the white polo she said "no" so I am not really sure we reached her, but we talked about finding the shirt the night before. Which she did not do, so wish us luck in the morning.

Happy Birthday Megs!

In honor of Meg turning 2, here is her favorite video of herself. Happy birthday little Megs!

Magic Kingdom (girls only)

Bridget and Gillian got their own trip to Dland yesterday.

We stopped at Sephora at downtown Disney and it was heaven for these two little ones.  I hope they don't fall asleep in class today.

Birthday Celebrations

A Pirate theme...

Sound like a fun idea.  This ^^^ is the party I attended exactly two hours before the party we threw for our kids.  Needless to say, do not go a party the day you are hosting one because it just sets the bar unbelievably high.  Unless it is a moving themed party.

I asked my own kids what theme they wanted and the response was: Food.

So we had a food themed party, which I can't really say is radically different than any other party we throw.  Here are the shots of our food:

Behind the fruit salad was the bruschetta so here is the much requested recipe for y'all.  The bread, fyi, was a combo of the Trader Joes' Multigrain, the Albertson's French and a loaf of sourdough from Our Daily Bread. Did you know that the Goleta weird Albertson's (over by TJs) sells bread from Our Daily Bread?  So good. 

The Graham Crackers were actually Fruit S'mores which I really liked for kids treats.  Super easy, cream cheese and brown sugar spread on the crackers, then fruit--we did a slice of strawberry, a half blackberry and two halves of raspberries.  

Then the cardinal sin of kitchens, I actually used a jar product to appease my children and I still regret it.  I wanted to make my own nacho cheese sauce but they insisted I buy this stuff.  AND they didn't even like it ("this cheese is yucky"--duh!)

Gross.  But we did have some other stuff for the nacho bar:

Each of the kids also got their own cake.  Bonus points to those who know which character is featured on the cupcakes.  Doesn't count if you came to the party.

And party cake numero dos:

It was my first time ever making roses so no mocking.

And the last one that took the most amount of time and really looks the least appetizing:

Yes I am a short-order baker one time a year.  This is my attempt to show love via baking--which kinds of the ways of showing love is that? Time?

We always do a treasure hunt, also related to the food theme because they got a lot of chocolate.  Steve created 44 clues, 4 treasure hunts, and a very complex party experience.  A few parents were concerned that we lost the five year old group but they all appeared eventually, none the worse for the wear.  Safety in numbers, remember that.

Some of the treasure seekers:

Remember this kid in white ^^^

If this were Friday, it would my favorite foto.  The kid in white I told you to remember?  He is hilarious.  His older brother is too, they are the same ages as my 2 and 3 and in their respective classes as school.  So the kid brings a gift in a bag with the following note:

Translation:  do you like the Dodgers?  If you like the Dodgers then open this.

So in spite of not having any intention of becoming a *fan, she did indeed open the bag which yielded a stained and well-used jersey from the kid.  He, btw, is 5,and he gave the gift to my daughter turning 8. His mother suggested he give it to Gillian instead, but he insisted that he wanted Bridget to have it.  I thought this was the best gift of the day and provided a great memory for everyone in the family who got a kick out of it.  A gift lasts a few days but a hilarious memory lasts a lifetime.  

Thanks to everyone who came, especially those who gave us these GREAT games that we have been loving for hours:

Blokus

Set

I have no idea who the giver was of these gifts but Set is seriously THE best game.  Too bad my family members cannot seem to beat me.  Katie another reason that I need you to stick around and provide me with some competition.

*A joke I once heard from this guy:

A guy was heading down to watch a Dodgers game and realized halfway to the stadium he forgot his tickets in his car on the dashboard.  He walked back to his car and saw that someone had broken into his car windshield... and placed two more Dodger's tickets on the dash.