For Posterity (and Rainy Days)

We've had bad luck with our kids.--they've all grown up.  
-Christopher Morley



Yesterday I woke up to a lovely poem on my nephew's 17th birthday:

This is what my nephew looks like now:

Yikes!!! I think I am getting older because I am in the same place these days.  My son is only 14, but I am feeling a similar nostalgia about him aging and going away.  I am recording this today as proof that having 4 small children actually pays off at some point.  I remember when a friend of mine had her first baby she said something like "You know before I had kids, I thought it was going to be 90% and 10% fun.  But when I actually had a baby, it turns out it was 10% work and 90% fun."  When she said that I thought she was so sweet but a little crazy.  It IS 90% work!!! 

But now, now that my youngest child is in kinder, I am getting there.  I still feel that my younger kids are high levels of work--they are always wanting things like food and help finding shoes.  But my older children, wow, what a sweet payoff.

They used to ask for stuff.  When they were this size:

But lately, when they call and ask "hey can I stay at my friend's house?"  I feel like saying "No!!! come hang out with me!!!" But I don't really have a reason to say no, so I just say "I guess.  Be home by 5:30."  

Because this is what it is like to hang out with them now:

And the feeling is bittersweet--because just as I like them more, they like other people more.  Just as I want to hang out with them and play games or watch youtube videos of stupid music videos from my childhood, they want to come home late from doing more fun things with their friends.

Soon enough, these wonderful little children will become actual adults and move out while I will be left wondering why I found cooking dinner such a chore after all.

I suppose having 4 children at least gives me a little extra time because while they are still asking for stuff and needing stuff, they are getting pretty fun too:

And even now, as I am posting this, I am worried about my kids' grades, their friendships, and developing the spirituality in my children.  But when Jenny posted her poem about her oldest child, it gave me a fleeting glance into my own future in which I am reluctant to let my kids go, I am devastated that they are leaving me and my first act as an empty nester is to show up on the doorstep of some poor child of mine and say "Hey, come home and watch this Jimmy Fallon bit with me."  

And their roommates will look them in the eye and whisper "Make sure she takes you food shopping while you are out."

Fairness and Equity (or, Teachable Moments Gone Bad)

Last night I made the mistake of trying to teach my children about equity and justice by taking advantage of a "teachable moment" when my eldest daughter's civil disobedience took the form of dereliction of duty on her chores.

Bridget didn't understand why she had to do her chore three times (dishes) and her brother only did his twice (cleaning off the counter tops).

The following conversation ensued:

Mom: Look, it is spring break, you are generating more dishes so when it is your day to do that job, you will do it more frequently.  So will the person who is on garbage, that is just the way it works.  I believe in equity, not fairness.

Bridget:  What is the difference?

Mom:  Equity means that every person has an equal shot at society (this is where I start to degenerate and change the point of my argument with her).  Say a family has their house burn down, the parents both lose their jobs, and the kids don't have anything to eat.  Then another family, with parents who have a good job and a big house, they are eating a frosty for dessert (gesturing to our own frosty desserts on the table).  They both go to the food bank, who should get the dinner?

Bridget:  They both should get the same amount (said with sarcasm).

Mom: You are a jerk.  I am not raising kids who believe that.

Casey:  That is a bad example.

Bridget:  Why would the rich family be at the food bank?

Casey: Duh, because they are giving the food bank food

Steve:  Wait, what if they are at the food bank because they feel entitled and just want more food?

Bridget: No, let me give you an example, there is a short guy, a medium guy, and a tall guy.  There are all these crates and they are trying to watch a game.  They each get a crate.  And then someone comes along and says "Hey, those guys didn't even buy tickets to watch the game, why are they getting to watch it for free?"

Needless to say, I did the dishes myself (though I did guilt trip her the entire time, resulting in a clean living room.)

Junior High Romance

My son is a nice kid.

He is 13.

He has never once expressed an interest in girls and I have never asked.  But this summer, a cute little girl at church came up to me during a campout we were on and the following conversation ensued:

Girl:  Do you know who your son likes?

Me:  No.  We don't talk about these things.

Girl:  I know.   I know who he likes.

Me:  I don't want to know.  It would be too embarrassing.  He wouldn't want me to know.

Girl:  Me.  He likes me.

Me:  Lalalalalalala {covering ears}

Girl: No, he does, for real.  I know because he was getting mad at his friend for chatting with me on facebook.

Me: LALALALALALALALA

Girl:  It's true.  Seriously.  Isn't that cute?

This was my official maturation as a mother.  I don't know why I am not the kind of mom who wants to know these things, but I just can't handle it.  My mom constantly, constantly asked if I liked boys.  I always had some boy I liked, never told her.  As a kid, I kind of felt like it was none of her business, and as a mom, I feel the same way.  Not my business.  Unless you want to try to sneak her in your window at night, then it definitely would be my business.

So this same little girl gave a talk at church on Sunday and I noticed that his friend in front of him kept turning around and they were exchanging glances.  I kept looking for some distracting item in the row and then I realized that it was the girl.  The girl! 

So this is the conversation that happened yesterday on the couch:

Me:  Son, do you like girls?

Son:  {no hesitation} yes.

{pause for information note: this child NEVER says yes outright unless he is arguing with his sister.  He answers nearly every question with an "I dunno" so for him to say yes is a resounding YES}

Me:  Do you like A girl?

Son: {no hesitation} yes.

Me: Does she know?

Son: I don't know, I think so.

Me:  What would you do if she liked you back?

Son: That would be awesome?

Me:  But what would you DO?  I mean, what does that even mean?

Son:  Mom, I wouldn't do anything, I am 13.

That's right son, that is right.  

But... I feel so... strange!  And now my little girl wears a bra that she can actually fill and started going to the mall and referring to boys as guys and I think when did this happen?  When did my children become people?  People who like other people?

It is both what I have always wanted and what I have feared.  I wanted them to grow up, but not to start to LIKE people!  I don't want them to have a crush because it means inevitable heartbreak--either the object of the crush will not like them, a devastating blow when someone reveals the information as your well-intentioned friends are (Landee, you know who you are) or the person will return the feelings and it will end in some relationship that will go in the direction in some other hormonal-driven thing.

Can't they have more innocent crushes like my junior high crush?

I don't remember thinking about this when we decided to have children, but I am in this for the long haul and I am woefully unprepared.  I will end with an original poem:

 

Oh to the children of the junior high

All your crushes are the apple of some mommy's eye

If and when you decide to reject some love offer

Remember the fragility of the heart that doth proffer

Should you decide to accept some little girl or boy

Just keep in mind that it isn't the real McCoy

Please remember this time in your life is just for harmless fun

Or I will have to change my mind about owning a gun

 

   

Mater Abscondita

In honor of the late Dr. Seuss and the celebration of his birthday this month, a friend of mine posted an article about the Cat in the Hat and the secret underlying theme of mater abscondita.

What is mater abscondita?  In the words of the immortal Black Adder, she, sir, is me.

Mater abscondita= the mater hath taken off.

My travel over time has led me, and I think others too,  to question my ability to commit to various branches of my life: my marriage, my children, my friends, my religious life (though never my work).

But unlike the mother in the Seuss tale, I am not leaving my children with a fish but with their father.  As a very kind friend pointed out to me yesterday, 'tis a great gift that Steve is able to be involved so intricately in the day-to-day life of the kids.  He has attended every parent teacher conference of the last 5 years, he knows the clothing and shoe size of every child, he knows what they eat in their lunch (and whether they like it) and he has never missed a performance of any kind.  Would that be the case if I were running the show?

And in the back of my mind I wonder if my children would actually be worse off if I were mater praesentis?  Would I be angrier, less attentive, and more easily frustrated?  Is my frequent absence  actually a secret boon to my children?  Am I saving them thousands of dollars in therapy by only criticizing them 20 days a month instead of 30?

But this is the one thing I have in common with mothers who are home every night, lovingly putting their children to bed:  guilt.  So while I can question my absence or my presence and its affects on my children, I know that this internal dialogue is not radically different from other women who question their own priorities and failings. 

After all, the mother in the story could be just as easily going out to self-indulge as she could be saving the world.

. 

The Box of My Life

Today I saw something that exemplified the daily grind, the things that make parenting difficult for me. I think it is self-explanatory but feel free to leave questions or interpretations.

As My Children Age...

...life gets more complicated.

When your children are very small, you put on their clothes, they don't tell you they don't like the outfit, and you put them in the car.  They don't ask who is going to be there, if there are children of the same age, or if they are going to be traveling on a Sunday.  They just go.

And sure they cry, sure they don't sleep, they might even have an explosive diaper situation.  But they don't tell you "hey you are ruining my life by dragging me around."

Enter adolescence.

My children now insist on picking their own clothing.  Don't you think this dress is delightful?

Wouldn't it be cute to see your girls dressed together in this dress?

Well too bad for you.  Because they want this one:

Do they care that it is unflattering?  Do they care that it is more expensive?  Do they? Huh?

No. They do not.

And there are other things they care about now like dinner.  Food they have eaten for years and loved they suddenly are suspicious of, like many other things that their parents do.

They want to stay up late.

They want to argue a point for the sake of their point (like their father).

They watch the debates and have an opinion.  Nothing of consequence, it might be about an outfit or a funny word that someone says but still it is an opinion in the making.

They stop me every 15 seconds while we are reading a book aloud together and want to make a commentary.

They want to tell each other what to do even when I don't care (things like "mom told you to put that cup back on the counter, do it!!" or "why are you reading such a stupid book?  you should read something better." )  Really? Really? Aren't two parents enough?  Aren't my rules stringent enough, you are now making new stupid rules?

In short, my children have become people.

And living with more people is always more complicated.

But lest you think this post is a complaint, let me reassure you that there are some side benefits to this.

My children now feed themselves.  They even occasionally help me while I make food for them. It has even become a phenomenon for one of my children to look up a recipe, make a dish, and share with others unprompted.  

When Steve and I want to go to the movies, we can assign them simple tasks like "keep the house clean and we will pay you an extra dollar."

They defend me against their siblings who may be trying to break my will.

They bring in groceries, do chores, and can once in while, volunteer to help.  Once in a long while.

While I may despise their taste in clothing, each of my children is developing their own sense of style and I am starting to see that they are actually better at dressing themselves than I am. 

But the single greatest change that has occurred in the chaos of this aging, hormonal, frustrating phase is that I finally feel like I was meant to be a mother. 

Some of you out there may like the babies, and I will admit there is a certain yumminess in our house gone forever.  But after the dust of infancy and toddlerhood begins to clear, I look at my offspring and I think to myself that it was a truly worthy investment for the joy I will experience for the rest of my life.

Bear Parenting

"I used to have four theories about raising children.  Now I have four children, and no theories."

--Bill Moyers

I first heard about Tiger Parenting last week when Steve came home from a post-TA debrief session with his prof and another grad student.

I heard about it again this weekend when a friend of mine shared how excited some of the upper class of Santa Barbara are with this acknowledgment of how lazy Americans are in our parenting style.

So I had to do a little research myself to find out about this Tiger Parenting.

Amy Chua is apparently the author of the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother which is basically the antithesis of everything I believe about good parenting--at a glance at least.  I have not read the book and I plan to do so to prove myself either wrong or right, but from what I have read here is the premise:

• Americans are lazy (true but useless information)
• Chinese mothers are superior because their children are performing at astronomically better rates in both academic and musical achievement
• Children must be taught that they should never be satisfied with the fruits of their labor or they will become lazy and unambitious
• Parents have the right to call their children a piece of garbage because it is motivational and effective

I am less disturbed by this theory of parenting (perhaps because I have seen the effects of it and thought it was a dying breed) than I am by what feels like an overwhelmingly positive response to it online.   Many people have come out and said "Finally! A book that speaks to me!"  When I looked it up on Amazon, it only received 3 stars which is undoubtedly a flat combination of the haters and those who see it as a manual on how to raise successful children.

I do not, however, wish to decry this method of parenting.  Though I personally find it distasteful and a violation of my spiritual belief that children are our equals in spirit whose care has been entrusted to us to teach them to be able to choose right from wrong on their own, I think that many believe happiness is something different than my own definition.

My definition of happiness: Feeling fulfilled by the choices you make and being motivated to grow and learn about what you do with your time, which hopefully you love.

Tiger Parenting definition of happiness:  Being the top of your field.
 
I do believe that I could have been a great musician/lawyer/orator (though not an athlete maybe) if I started at a young age with Tiger parents--but would I have found the passion that I now have for education?  Would I have retained what my mother referred to as "a happiness gene" ??  Would I have ended up married to someone who I love specifically because he is unconventional and ignores societal norms?

When Steve first told me about this theory, he told me that the grad student who was talking about this said he was going to come up with his new parenting approach and he was going to call it Bear Parenting.

I like it.  Bear parenting--love your cubs and chase down anyone who gets in your way of the honey.

Cinderella

When I had one child I just stared at him all the time. It was amazing to watch him grow and learn.

When I had two children I just ran all the time. My number 2 learned to crawl and walk so quickly that I just couldn't keep up.

When I had three children we lived in chaos.

When lil Meg came around we hit a new high. Or low.

But one thing that we have done much, much better as our children have gotten older is routines. These are the routines that have slowly developed over time and I have to really give credit to my husband for being the consistent one.

• Bedtime. Kids are in bed by 8:30 at night.
  
• Family night--we do a little "family night" every night, starting at 7:30. This includes singing a song together, praying, and reading a little scripture.
• Reading together. We have read all Harry Potter books, The Hobbit, Watership Down, and A Wrinkle in Time. They started LOTR which is crazy to me but I guess Casey is getting it.
• Chores. When Casey was five he didn't really lift a finger around this place. Now, all kids have a number of chores they are responsible for doing. Which is a good thing because this apartment is one crazy mess. What is funny is that guess who is the best dishwasher? At age 5.
  

I wish someone would have told me when my kids were younger that they were capable of doing chores, but I really don't know if WE were capable. My favorite time of day is when we are all working at the same time. I might be cooking or cleaning in the kitchen, Steve is doing laundry or cleaning kids rooms, and we are all working in unison and harmony. When we were reading tonight Casey stopped and said "These are my favorite nights."

Me too, son.

Maid Service!!

No, the title doesn't mean what I wish it meant.

But it is a NEW policy with the kids! Rather than yell "Bridget pick up your shoes" 80 times over, we simply stand over the item once and say "Maid Service, shoes on floor in front of couch." If no one responds, we pick it up, and voilá 10 centavos deducted from their pot of gold.

They can also claim maid service and the money deducted from the sibling's fund can go into their own account.

I LOVE it because I no longer have to say it more than once. So nice. I wonder how long it will last.

PS I also learned how to do THIS-->² on my computer. Fancy, eh?

Tithing Excuses

In our church it is standard to pay tithing. To be exact, our doctrine includes a token return to the Lord for all of our blessings by giving 10% of our annual increase to the church.

My children do not tithe. Perhaps because we don't fill out the little form and hand it in due to the fact that I have paid it online through my bank for the last three years has contributed to their poor education in this area or maybe it is because we always skip out on tithing settlement (meeting with our Bishop at the end of each year) wintering down in Utah.

Regardless, we have decided to take a more helpful approach in teaching our children why we consider paying tithing to be of benefit to them financially as well as spiritually. In assessing why they do not pay their tithing this is the verdict:

Casey really wants to pay, but got behind and is now discouraged.

Bridget intended to pay but lost track and spent the money first.

Gillian has no interest in paying tithing at this time.

I believe my three children embody the three different types of problems encountered among people who do not give to charity. I assume Meghan is the fourth: self-righteous due to the fact that she has never had income but would give if she could.

Kids Birthday

Cake pics.

We do a combined b-day party for the three oldest kids which is kind of a family tradition we really love. After. An hour before the party I always question the sanity of it all.

I really didn't take pictures. Here are the highlights though:

1) Total chaos for two hours
2) Awesome treasure hunt for the 4th year running. Steve did three separate hunts and the kids were pretty into it. Well, those who didn't mind running a couple of miles. There was a small issue with Steve planning for little kids to run back and forth across the street but he figures that the more running the better and we had so many, who would notice one missing?
3) 49 people (I know because we had exactly one plate left)
4) Amateur cakes
5) T-shirt decorations (wish I had a pick because they were totally amazing--well, some anyway)
6) Community full of people I love to really pick up my low spirits
7) Me, snippy with a few peeps (sorry!)
8) Missionaries on the calendar a month ago. Whoops! They got the leftovers: Mini hamburgers with little mini homemade buns (100% refined flour!) and fruit cut fruit. And of course the limón chips that I heart the mostest. Oh and tons of leftover cake. I hope they didn't mind the hurricane of party that hit our apartment.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful company and generous gifts to the kids!

Day 4 Update

Don't judge me. But I doubt I will go to Church on Mother's Day. I do love going-- It is a fast and efficient way to see a lot of people I love (in my home town) but after today I think I can't hack it alone and I don't like saying to people (who I prefer to have think that I manage my life well) "hey I haven't seen you in a few years, but I can't handle my kids on my own so could you give them the following instructions while I am out in the hallway with my crying babe?"

Instructions:
-you can only leave once to get a drink water
-don't pick your nose
-don't peel the papers off the outside of the crayons
-don't fight with your sister/brother about who sits next to me
-you cannot bring that picture to our neighbor/your primary teacher/the chorister during the prayer
-it is not appropriate to sit on the floor in the foyer during church
-put your skirt down
-you can't play in the primary room during church
-sit up
-don't turn the ringer on my phone so that it will ring during someone's testimony

I think I did a post like this before but this list only includes specifically what I said today.

So as a present to myself I am unlikely to attend OR I will leave the baby at home with my aunt. I don't want to dislike my children or be stressed by them on the one day a year in which I have the expectation that my kids will get along. I know, I should lower those.

Other than the first hour of church being a bit rough (and most of that occurred within the last ten minutes), today was nice. I had a nice morning with the kids and made a pretty good apple scone recipe in which I substituted whole wheat, of course, and reduced milk to 1/4 cup as the first reviewer recommended. Oh also added 1 t cinnamon to the mix. We attended a nice little potluck after church with some neighbors who were only an hour late bringing out the main dish for the event, and I got to hang out with my favorite freighbor (pronounced fray-bor, a variation of frousin and it refers to a friend/neighbor) for a nice long chat interrupted only every 20 seconds or so by one of my children.

This evening Casey cried because he misses his daddy. I said "you never cry when I am gone" and my three oldest kids said "we are used to you leaving." I am glad for Steve that they don't cry but I hope I die first because it was brutal. I told them to wake up early and write him an email.

Evening wrapped up with a nice review on the Smart Remarks Book Club and me getting five pounds of spinach and grape tomatoes plus a bowl full of lemons from freighbor Katie.

So even though I have a nice long evening to catch up on Facebook and read my book, I really feel like Sunday is the one day that man should not be alone. Or his wife anyway.

Day 2

I know you all want an update on my status sans spouse.

I have to say that I actually think it would be kind of cool to be a fulltime SAHMer without the job but I think just making a guest appearance in domesticity does not give you the full sense of what it would be like.

The real trick is to just close the computer lid. I did that yesterday from pick-up time until after dinner and I will do the same tonight. Today there is a ton of laundry but I am making the bed-wetters wash after school. Yes it is plural. Bane of my existence.

Anyway wish me luck over the weekend because I will probably go crazy with no escuela in session. And church too

In case you are wondering about dinners, I did crock pot yesterday and tonight we are doing homemade pizza. Yes I already made the dough. I know.

On Food Issues

I grew up in with a petite mamá. She averaged around 115 lbs at 5'4"

After I outweighed her in 9th grade she would regularly make comments like "if you want to be thinner, just lose weight!" Or better yet "I eat to live, you live to eat." I was not allowed to eat sugar under any circumstances and Trick-or-Treating was out of the question. Yes, I know, it seems abusive. We had Grape Nuts cereal or some other cereal that as a kid seemed horrible but as an adult I love. No dessert except on holidays when my mom would make some reasonably tasty apple pie and ice cream. She was constantly saying she was too fat and that made me, who was clearly bigger than her, feel super insecure.

She wasn't super mean she just made me feel like I was a little fatty. Once my oldest was born she called me and said I should be a model for plus size magazines.

Anyway so I have some kind of confidence issues with my body and I do have to work to keep my weight down. I am currently engaged in a reduction of calorie experience which is going well, thank you. You can imagine, however, that the last thing on earth I want to have happen to my daughters is that they too have food issues so I have vowed never to say things like "I am so fat" or "I need to lose some weight." I of course track my calories on Lose It! the best app ever invented, but I try to refer to it as healthy maintenance and not even mention weight.

Enter my children and their love affair with sugar and dessert. They unfortunately inherited this so I am trying early on to build in a sense of healthy and unhealthy but without the psychosis of body image. This morning Bridget was slicing up some bread that was on the counter and she got out the ingredients to make some honey butter. I was opposed to this for two reasons:
1) The total mess that she would inevitably create and
2) The sugar overload

We eat too many desserts as it is and to throw some honey butter on some perfectly healthy bread that already has honey in the recipe was just too much for me. Also I am cranky and tired from transition weekend (the two days immediately following a work trip in which I realize that I can no longer operate independently of others) so it turned into a showdown.

I told her she could choose between the honey butter and the pancakes/syrup that we were planning because it was just too much sugar. It ended with her running into her room shouting "I don't understand why it is so important to be healthy!"

My spouse wisely commented that the implementation of the policy was not ideal nor had we discussed this low sugar policy as a family so I stormed off and took a shower to get over my irritation and get ready for church.

While in the shower I realize that THIS is a food issue. This is precisely what I promised myself I would never do to my daughter. She is 7 years old and very healthy and active. Her clothes are all stained (which resulted of course in later showdown over clothing though I threw most of them away which has resulted in much fewer clothing issues thanks for the advice) from running around and playing hard at school and in the neighborhood. Honey butter isn't super healthy but was it really worth disrupting everyone's morning? I also realize that I am glad that I have a hands-on hubby who isn't going to just sit back and let me dig myself into the holes in which I have promised never to fall or push my kids

So I decide on two things:
a) I am going to decide what exactly is the policy on sugar items
b) I am never going to forbid my kids from eating something without making the policy clear prior (like you can not have dessert without eating your veggies, etc.)

I called Bridget in the room to discuss it and told her that if that comes up again she should say to me "let's not make food an issue, k?" to remind me of my own agreement. She laughed and said "it's okay mama."

So what do other people do out there to keep their kids healthy without overly focusing on the body thing?

Strength of Youth?

My eldest daughter is in one of those phases right now, testing every limit possible.

I can't really describe what is going on because if I understood it I might actually have a solution myself.

I will try to say what specifically bothers me, the tactics I have tried, and then you can give me some more advice, thanks.

Annoyance: Likes to wear clothing that is either really ugly or really stained or ruined.
This bothers me because: it looks bad. I have no other reason to care other than to say that it embarrasses me. That seems superficial, though, and if it doesn't bother her, am I pushing her to care more about her appearance than she ought to?
What I have tried: Sitting down with her and talking about the criteria for what is acceptable clothing. We decided that it could have no more than four stains (yes the standard is low which ought to indicate how bad it was), no holes, and had to cover her shoulders and tummy for modesty). We have left her at home when not clothed properly before.
Why that doesn't work: She magically forgets that we made the list. When I call her on it she says "but that was like when we are going someplace special like church!" I say "but we are going to church (pancake breakfast)" and she responds with "but no one cares what you wear to that." Sooo... I tell her she can't go unless she changes and suddenly she HATES ALLLLL her clothes. She now knows that we will leave her if she is not getting dressed but all that does is keep her from attending certain events, like school for example and then I have to explain to her teachers that she didn't come to school because she refused to change her clothes.

Annoyance: Loves to cook, sew, and do anything artsy and then before finishing a project move on to something else, NOT cleaning up after herself.
This bothers me because: she leaves stuff all over the house, loses items of value, and then by the time you catch up with her she has so many messes it takes forever to clean up and then a fight ensues about how she will do it tomorrow. Also I am missing about $80 worth of scissors in my house and that is not an exaggeration. What I have tried: making her clean up a mess one at a time. I have also tried a trust point system in which if she says she is going to clean up and then doesn't do it, she loses points and then can't be trusted the next day to clean up after herself.
Why it doesn't work: She suddenly has to go to the bathroom, finish one thing really quickly, tell someone something first, or finish a project. When I say no then a fight ensues and we end up fighting over literally nothing. The trust point system would work if I could catch her enough times or be more consistent in general.

Annoyance: Doesn't come when I call her
This bothers me because: Waste of time to try to convince her to come inside
What I have tried: Threatening her that she will go to her to her room and go to bed if she doesn't come in (no other threat works)
Why it doesn't work: She will just go in her room and then come out later all apologetic and she doesn't want to go to bed now.

I will take any advice, critique or criticism. Keep in mind two things: 1. We don't spank (but she is the child who drove us to discover why people do) and 2. All four kiddos are in one bedroom. I would like to see some nanny show come help us out with that.

FAQ

What is YOUR favorite pokemón?

Multitasking

I used to be so efficient I could do multiple things at once. Now I do so many things at once I have become not only inefficient but have also developed ADD.

Here are the signs:

• Five minutes into a conversation if I haven't heard the phone ring, the instant messaging window popup, or a kid ask a question, I can't come up with anything new to say
• I can't talk for more than 2 minutes in a row (see last point)
• I can't recall important details, like names and my own phone number
• When people ask me questions, I have to pause for a second and process before I answer (something that used to highly annoy me about my husband so I beg his forgiveness for my previous impatience)
• I twitter in my dreams (seriously, I am subconsciously updating my status in my brain and that freaks me out)
• When I don't have my phone or computer out my hand starts twitching
• I get irritated when I use a computer that doesn't have exposé or their corners set up. Who has time for alt+tabbing?
• When my kids ask me for a glass of milk I feel like they asked me for a major effort.
  

I think I need a break from making decisions. I think that would ultimately help me to refocus. Church doesn't even help these days since I am there with a crying baby who has to be taken to the hallway.

Does anyone have any tips on how to keep your sanity?

Signs That I Have Too Many Kids

The following things send me into a rage:

1. Pee on my toilet seat
2. Pee on my floor
3. Pee on blankets
4. The smell of moldy anything (that is about where I live btw)
5. Drying my hands on a towel and realizing that it isn't clean
6. Toys on the floor (except Meggers who is clearly innocent)
7. Crumbs
8. Unmade beds (especially my own that I happen to know I made in the morning)
9. Anything involving water
10. Spinning office chairs
11. Anything involving the TV or the computer screen
12. Crumbs
13. The phrase "STOP IT"
14. The phrase "I'm bored"
15. Changing diapers
16. Emails that say "are you available for a conference call?"
17. My daughter telling me that she doesn't want to go to play group after I have already driven all the way down there, the one enjoyable time of my week in which I am not expected to work, clean, cook, or be PC.
    

Shout out to those in that group who I haven't seen for more than four weeks thanks to my work and personal life.

Do I sound bitter? I'm not.

My Family Ate My Dinner

I bought dinner at Trader Joe's last night on the way home from scouts.

At the checkout stand a woman handed me last minute a box of buffalo wings that are made of some tofu soy thing or something. I bought it because I had a baby on my hip and a shrieky and tired 4 year-old making requests to my side. The trusty TJ checkout boy said that he was a meat eater and even he was surprised how amazing they were.

Apparently they were so good that while I was feeding Meg the family demolished the wings. Reportedly quite good, made by the Gardenburger folks. Anyway when I asked if they saved me one the answer was that they forgot about me. Since in our 700 sq ft apt. I am never more than 2 ft away from the dinner table I was shocked and awed.

This is really not a big deal but what is surprising is how much it annoyed me. Who cares if a 7 year-old is thinking of her own hunger because the teensy weensy pizzas I bought were so minuscule that it couldn't satisfy?

All that kept going through my mind were phrases oft heard such as "I am not the family maid" or "I can't have nice things" or "No one appreciates me" until it dawned on me that those sentences uttered aloud help no one and just make me feel mean. So I tried to keep it to myself, made myself up some red-skinned parmesan potatoes and shared with them. Love those that despitefully use you, even if it is your children.

I will say Steve felt bad about it at least. He is way nice like that.

The Story Behind the Letter

So I got a phone call at the end of school yesterday from Bridget's teacher saying "Bridget was disrespectful to the lunch lady today."

She proceeded to explain that Bridgie had out the forbidden goods and when the LL told her to put it away she was rude to her.

I listened to the story and started to get irritated that my daughter who is really a pretty amazing student in every other way, is getting in trouble for the contents of her lunch. So I get kind of worked up and say, and I wish I regret that I said this, "This is going to sound really, really rude, but how is it the school's business what I put in my children's lunch?"

The teacher gave me a song and dance, very politely I might add, about how poor nutrition affects achievement. I asked her, very politely I might add, if she felt that Bridget was not succeeding academically in the classroom and she responded "Of COURSE not!!!"

We get to the real reason why she is calling which was that Bridget had been rude. When LL told her to put away her chocolate, Bridget responded by saying "This isn't your problem."I swore to the teacher that I never told Bridget that (even tho it is a way true statement).

But we did want to help her learn to express herself in a more respectful way so we did some role playing to help her figure out something better to say. Casey walked by when we were talking to Bridget about this and said "I just put it in my mouth really fast and said it was chicken" and walked away. Steve commented that this dishonest, passive aggressive approach was much more effective.

PS The principal responded to my email (that was the real text I sent in case you thought I made it up for the blog) that the LL are only supposed to make sure all kids eat, not examine the contents and that they might have gotten it confused with the no candy in class policy. She is going to speak with them.

If it happens again I am sending a note that says call my mom with any questions. In Spanish si claro.