In Appreciation

I received a phone call from a good friend of mine with whom I used to work in Sacramento a few nights ago asking if I would participate in a quick survey for her grad school work.

Her class is about gender issues and she wanted to know how I felt about being a woman. I think I was the white, married, kids, college degree demographic. She asked me 4 questions and because I enjoyed sharing with her and want to capture it somewhere, I am going to share here and I invite anyone to post a comment adding their own thoughts.

1. What does it mean to you to be a woman?
At various phases in my life it has meant different things but right now it is inseparable from the word mother. I am not just talking about my children but I am talking about the motherly duties I perform in my job, my community, and in my home. I multitask and pay attention to details to help my co-workers, I problem-solve to help my schools, I give warnings to my teachers and parents about a potentially dangerous pathway, and I have a natural inclination to be nurturing towards those children around me who are not my own in addition to the four cute ones floating around my household.

2. What should all girls be taught about being a woman?
This might sound cheesy, but I think it is to trust their inner voice. I look at my 8 year old and her confidence and total matter-of-factness and I know that one day she will question that. I think that she needs to know that when the going gets tough, the tough stand tall and know that ultimately the decisions that they make are good and sound in spite of what others might tell you.

3. What is the worst thing that has happened to you specifically because you are a woman?
Fortunately I cannot point to any terrible things that have happened to me in my life specifically because of my gender. I will say that the worst things that have happened in that arena have been centered around negative body image. I still fight that issue today but since I value many other things about myself I have tried to let that one go. I wish I would have found other value in myself at a younger age to avoid some irrational decisions.

4. What is the best thing that has happened to you due to your gender?
My immediate thought was children, but my husband loves my kids and he didn't give birth to them. I am not going to lie and say that pregnancy was the greatest thing that happened to me or that I love giving birth, so making the assumption that dads love children as much as the mom, I am going to go with something else: female friendships. I just don't see that men are able to make bonds with other men in the way that I am with my friends. I feel that the level of intimacy that women reach with each other is simply not available to most men and I just cannot imagine my life without the friendships that I have.

After this little interview, this was reiterated at playgroup yesterday. I saw some women that I just really love and it reiterated that my friendships with women truly are a great gift and blessing. To all my women friends, thank you for enriching my life and making it possible for me to enjoy the shared challenges we all have.

Watch Ur Back

Regarding THIS post on Catching Fire. Spoiler ALERT do NOT follow that link if you haven't read the book.

In other news, anyone going to be in Chicago April 10-12? I am presenting at a conference and will have lots of down time. Someone come out there and join me, you can stay in my hotel room and everything and I will pick you up at airport. This applies to the ladies only.

Mind Your Gap

Great conference this evening in which we were reminded to "Mind the Gap" between what we want to be and who we really are.

I have some gaps I am working on and I am recording them here:

Attentive and patient v. Distracted and neglectful

Focused and efficient v. time wasted and incomplete tasks

Fit and firm v. overweight and jiggly

Whole grain and veggies v. processed foods

Kind and generous v. judgemental and unforgiving

Organized and with it v. Pigpen swirl of dust

Appreciative and supportive v. complainy and unsure

Good memory v. flighty and flaky

Where are your gaps?

What I Miss

This week I am in Napa for some biz and while I enjoy the work I do
miss my older kids this trip. Meg is with me but being tended by the
able hands of Aunty Lissa during the large portion of the day. Megs
has been a fusser a bit due to teething, an inability to communicate
or perhaps even, as I suspect, out of missing her older sibs. With
cuties like this, who can blame her?

Up and Running

In case I missed posting an update, Megs is running around.

Here is a pic of her getting ready to excape.


























I must admit that I have made more than a few jokes about four kids pushing me over the edge this year so I have to apologize to Meg who has really been the innocent victim in this little scenario.

I have a few friends and acquaintances who have one child and I think periodically about what it was like when we had our first vs. what it is like for this poor baby who has suffered the unintended consequences of large families. Considering the fact that we were never very nervous people to begin with it may be scary for you to contemplate how much this cute little girl misses out on that her older brother did enjoy for a short time period.

For example:

• Crying children get a 3-4 minute grace period before someone actually makes a move to investigate (we do make exceptions for sharp cries of pain still though)
• Sippy cup? Wait are we supposed to teach her how to use a cup? Yeah she is still using a bottle and I haven't even thought about that one.
  
• Ages & Stages. I have no idea what she is supposed to be doing right now. I don't know her percentile for body weight, head size, length or really even if she is supposed to be in that forward facing carseat. The label said 22 lbs and I think she weights over that amount. I think.
• Dressing up to go in public. Thank goodness for freighbor and some of her cute bows because that is about all she gets.
• Meals. I wish I were lying when I tell you that she has eaten corn chips for a few meals. She has also eaten Fig Newtons and canned refried beans which, btw, she really loves.
• Bibs. I have some nice ones but a lot of times it just gets left off the list when frantically searching for food. Sorry.
• Baths. This is such a fun endeavor but after we get through no.s 1-3 we just don't have the time that frequently anymore. She looks clean mostly.
• Choking hazards. I will admit that more than one person has said to me "oh she has a marble in her mouth." I saw the marble. I just figure that if I am sitting right in front of her I will be around to help out.
  

I still get nervous something is going to happen to her. I still hover my hand over her tummy to make sure she is breathing if she is taking a particularly long nap. I still wonder if I am totally screwing her up. But managing a household of kids just is something that most people can't relate to until they have done it. I worry that I have a reputation as a mom who doesn't care about her kids, and after reading this list I can see why. In the end, it still melts my heart to see her laugh, walk, play with her siblings, and give her own special kind of hugs (known to some as forehead bumping). Most of all, I love to watch her concentrate and stick her tongue out while she is trying to do something. Like this:

My Two Worlds

I went grocery shopping yesterday and here is what I purchased:

Half of it was chemically-based snacks and treats (granola bars for the kids school snacks, non-enviro hair care products, fishy crackers for the Megs), etc. The other half are the ingredients I really wish we exclusively ate instead of the corn byproducts: Butternut squash, beets, celery, avocado, grapes, apples, etc. In the middle were the legumes: lentils, northern beans, etc.

Note two key ingredients, and the reason for this post: White flour and cool whip. Why? Dessert contest!!!

We hosted round one last night and it was full of one ingredient: Chocolate. There was not a single dessert that did not feature chocolate as the main ingredient and really, truly, this was the reason for hosting this little delightful event.

I meant to take a picture of the entries and something happened to distract me so in the end you will have to settle for an updated bracket. I am also going to request a recipe from each of our competitors so that by the end we can have a little book all put together.















Results are that the DiMartinis were MIA so Steve and K. Dorny move up automatically. The fact that they had a baby this month seems like a legit reason so we hope that they can join us for sampling and judging in the future.

Also moving up: Jacqui M. with her chocolate cheesecake and A. Dorny with a multilayered chocolate cake (including peanut butter chips and peanut butter mouse and brownie pieces on top, no lie). I promise to take several pictures next time.

Speaking of next time, we have changed the date/time to FRIDAY OCTOBER 2ND at 7 pm. The match-ups will be:

Katie v. J. Frostad
Billy v. Bridget
Lee v. B. Tuutau
Cherry v. Chantel

Happy Baking!

On The Road Again

I can't believe I haven't had this as a title on any posts before.

Today I had a little treat in that TWO of my co-workers were on the flight with me and one sat next to me. I usually veg out, do a little watching of The Office reruns (season 3) or read (I just finished an Amish romance--thanks Jespy, felt like I was reading Charly by J. Weyland) or fall asleep to my itunes and then can't sleep at night. It was so nice to travel with someone for once and we actually talked work the whole time, except for the hour in which I was reviewing Boys Adrift for the billionth time this week.

Anywho, I am back in the awesomest hotel on the planet and get to do one of my favorite things of all time tomorrow: hang out with new teachers for the day.

Wednesday I am back up in Indy for a conference with some of my favorite peeps and then Thursday to land of two time zones, Danville IL where the high school has no air conditioning. That's right, Southern Illinois, no AC. Ironically, Gene Hackman and D. Van Dyke both went to this high school and it has a top-notch theater.

No AC, that is like, inhumane. All that technology and humidity just don't mixo. I had to decide between super comfy pants and a lightweight blouse or a skirt and sandals. Since it is after Labor Day and I don't know how they treat the wearing of white and sandals, I went with the pants. Maybe I will wear my hair up in a fancy Amish braid.

I come back Friday but then take off again on Tuesday for Napa. Yeah, three weeks in a row.

Take care of my Steve, k? Four kids is mucho labor.

Cinderella

When I had one child I just stared at him all the time. It was amazing to watch him grow and learn.

When I had two children I just ran all the time. My number 2 learned to crawl and walk so quickly that I just couldn't keep up.

When I had three children we lived in chaos.

When lil Meg came around we hit a new high. Or low.

But one thing that we have done much, much better as our children have gotten older is routines. These are the routines that have slowly developed over time and I have to really give credit to my husband for being the consistent one.

• Bedtime. Kids are in bed by 8:30 at night.
  
• Family night--we do a little "family night" every night, starting at 7:30. This includes singing a song together, praying, and reading a little scripture.
• Reading together. We have read all Harry Potter books, The Hobbit, Watership Down, and A Wrinkle in Time. They started LOTR which is crazy to me but I guess Casey is getting it.
• Chores. When Casey was five he didn't really lift a finger around this place. Now, all kids have a number of chores they are responsible for doing. Which is a good thing because this apartment is one crazy mess. What is funny is that guess who is the best dishwasher? At age 5.
  

I wish someone would have told me when my kids were younger that they were capable of doing chores, but I really don't know if WE were capable. My favorite time of day is when we are all working at the same time. I might be cooking or cleaning in the kitchen, Steve is doing laundry or cleaning kids rooms, and we are all working in unison and harmony. When we were reading tonight Casey stopped and said "These are my favorite nights."

Me too, son.

Transitions

With Freighbor and some other Neighbors gone, I have to make new friends.

I don't want to do this, I really don't. But my hand was forced.

Today at the complex park there were three women that I had to befriend and it looks promising. I was thinking how lucky I am to live in a place where I can just think "I need a new friend" and one will magically appear. When making new friends it is a challenge for me because I always replay all the stupido stuff I say and wonder if anyone will like me. I forget I need to turn the filter on when meeting new people and not say stuff like this:

"I read mainly adolescent fiction. You know, it is safe. There is nothing that annoys me more than sitting on an airplane and I turn the page to find a paragraph that contains a sentence about a 'sliding hand."

What prompted me to say this? I don't need to use this as an introductory pick-up line for new friends. What if one of them likes this kind of stuff? Or what if one of them is offended by my reference?

They kind of laughed, but it might have been out of embarrassment. Next time I see one of them I hope they forget what I said and only remember that I was the one who introduced them to HG/CF.

Freighbor come back.

More to Love?

I made the sad mistake of checking out this program for a few minutes in my hotel room and I have so many issues with this show.

A person got kicked off and she was crying about what a great person and father this guy would have been and then they showed a preview of next week. These are my questions:

1) How do you fall in love with someone in such a short time? What evidence does this woman have that they guy is going to be a great father?

2) How is is possible that every girl he picks is going to love him back? Or is that his criteria? Did anyone get kicked off and go "yeah that guy was a WEIRDO no way I would marry him."??

3) How can he ever know that these girls really fell in love with him? Is there a track record for a lasting relationship with these previously married reality show romances?

4) Just because he is overweight doesn't mean that he likes overweight women. And same for the women. I knew people in high school and college who were overweight but wanted to date thin people. It isn't like people go "oh I am obese so therefore I only love obese people."

Answer me these questions, please. I won't disgrace you with my equal set of questions on the season premier of Melrose Place that I watched for five minutes prior to realizing what it was. (Sample question: What? This show is still on?)

In other news, Wisconsin is beautiful.

Big Sister

Recommended Reading

In case you don't follow me on twitter, facebook, or read this blog frequently, I recently finished reading Catching Fire. I will be doing a review of it at the end of the month over here, but if you haven't read it, do it.

Also recommended reading:

Free by Chris Anderson. You can download it for free and it really is a fascinating listen. I didn't read it because I listened to it on my phone but it really, really changed my perspective. If you are into technology and/or business in any way you should give it a listen/read.

Also another GREAT read (I am only on chapter 3 but I can feel it) is Boys Adrift. This is about the recent phenomenon that girls are better than boys. It isn't really recent, but today there is actual data to support this theory. If you have sons you should definitely read it. I think I will have a major epiphany at the end of the book.

Another recent read which I highly recommend is Outliers. This reinforces the idea that hard work, not necessarily just born genius, is what pays off in the end. Good stuff. Especially the bit about Korean Air.

I have read a bunch of other stuff from the SRBC but it is all teenage romance fiction stuff (ie anything recommended by Stephenie Meyer.) I am not recommending this stuff unless you check out the blog.

In other news my daughter (3rd grade) read "The Girl Who Could Fly" and that amazed me. I gotta take her to the library now and get her reading some Judy Blume and Beverly Clearly.

Leaving on Tuesday AM to go to the Chicago region so if I don't blog before then, ttfn.

Maid Service!!

No, the title doesn't mean what I wish it meant.

But it is a NEW policy with the kids! Rather than yell "Bridget pick up your shoes" 80 times over, we simply stand over the item once and say "Maid Service, shoes on floor in front of couch." If no one responds, we pick it up, and voilá 10 centavos deducted from their pot of gold.

They can also claim maid service and the money deducted from the sibling's fund can go into their own account.

I LOVE it because I no longer have to say it more than once. So nice. I wonder how long it will last.

PS I also learned how to do THIS-->² on my computer. Fancy, eh?

But Mommy…

"My brain made me do it."

You Win Some You Lose Some

So since the cake competition is over in fewer than three hours and I have no chance, I am moving on to the next contest.

Honestly I don't mind losing because I didn't deserve it. Also I am not super competitive.

The dessert competition is starting up again in time for the fall. We had to manipulate a bit to accommodate some move-outs, and people who stuck around.

So here is the schedule for the next several rounds. If you cannot make your round, let me know so we can reschedule you:

Round 1
Saturday September 19th, 8 pm
K. DiMartini. v. Steve
D. DiMartini v. C. Dorny
Jo v. Jacqui
A. Dorny v. D. Tuutau

Round 2
Saturday October 3rd, 8 pm
Katie E. v. John F.
Billy v. Bridget
Lee v. B. Tuutau
Cherry v. Chantel

Round 3 October 17th, 8 pm

Round 4 November 14th, 8 pm

Semi-finals and Finals held 2010

I Know When I Have Been Beat

Really, I do. And I might even give up. But in this case, I really have a good excuse:

For those who are not my normal readers, I had the INFLUENZA this weekend. I was so, so sick. My doctor told me that I could cause people to DIE if they came into contact with me.

I thought perhaps I would be healed by Monday to do a site visit to one of my schools (alas no) so I only had one afternoon to participate in a cake decorating contest in honor of my favorite book.

I dragged my very sick and sad carcass out of bed, surrounded by unsympathetic children who asked me to make homemade cheesesauce which I burned because I was in a sick, sick (did I mention sick?) fog.

I did not have enough powdered sugar to properly do a crumb layer, but due to my extreme righteousness, I kept the sabbath day holy and had to stick with my small quantity so nothing about this cake worked out.

I sincerely believe, do not build me up here, that I would lose this contest.

However, I entered for the children. It is my goal to educate the world and I believe I can only really do this by walking around the neighborhood with aprons reflecting fine literature. Magnets on the fridge are also acceptable.

Think of all these children, traipsing through my home, without any good books to read. Think of their illiterate parents, working on a Ph.D, who don't believe in having books in the house. Without my suggestions, these children are likely to wind up taking part-time literacy courses at the local library, if they even know where it is located.

How can you help?

Vote for #1 on this site. I know it is ugly, but think of the children.

Tithing Excuses

In our church it is standard to pay tithing. To be exact, our doctrine includes a token return to the Lord for all of our blessings by giving 10% of our annual increase to the church.

My children do not tithe. Perhaps because we don't fill out the little form and hand it in due to the fact that I have paid it online through my bank for the last three years has contributed to their poor education in this area or maybe it is because we always skip out on tithing settlement (meeting with our Bishop at the end of each year) wintering down in Utah.

Regardless, we have decided to take a more helpful approach in teaching our children why we consider paying tithing to be of benefit to them financially as well as spiritually. In assessing why they do not pay their tithing this is the verdict:

Casey really wants to pay, but got behind and is now discouraged.

Bridget intended to pay but lost track and spent the money first.

Gillian has no interest in paying tithing at this time.

I believe my three children embody the three different types of problems encountered among people who do not give to charity. I assume Meghan is the fourth: self-righteous due to the fact that she has never had income but would give if she could.