Junior High Humor

Dear, _______  Thank you for serving our country in the wars we are in. I am writing this to you because my teacher, your sister, assigned me to write this letter to you. What war are you serving in, Afghanistan or Iraq? I’ve heard that no one can send you any packages/gifts because otherwise your whole group gets punished. Are you already in the war or are you just training? If you’re just training then how soon will you be in the war? I’m sorry I am asking all these questions but all my teacher told me was that you were a soldier or were about to be one and that it was pretty tiring or hard. Hopefully you made some friends there otherwise I would feel bad for you because I probably wouldn’t last a day with all that training and without any good friends. You’re probably lucky I typed this because otherwise you probably couldn’t read my handwriting and would have a lot less words to read. By the way I’m in seventh grade and am at xx jr high school. You probably knew that I lived in Utah because most of your family lives here and to you it wouldn’t seem that your sister would leave Utah to get a job. Anyways my name is Casey and i’m probably the awesomest person that will ever write you a letter and you should feel bad for the other people who write you letters because whenever you see mine you’ll just think mine’s too cool for theirs’. I’m sorry that I am kind of bringing up random topics but I have to feel up my page for this assignment and it’s hard to think of stuff when your teacher doesn’t tell you much about the person you’re writing to. So, thank you for everything you’re doing right now by serving the best country in the world(you know the one, America) because we should win every war because we’ve have only lost one war and that’s because Vietnam are cheaters. I bet just having you, just one single person, will change the war because I bet you’re the best person and we would lose without you. That’s probably the reason we lost the Vietnam War, because they didn’t have you in it. I bet if I met you in person you would be cool because you’re sister is. Also I am not even going to know your name until a couple days because my teacher didn’t even tell me yet. That means your name after “Dear,” is going to be written like the day I send this letter. Even though this is the best letter ever you’re probably wasting your time reading this because you have other things to do and even the best things aren’t perfect. By the way those last five words are a pretty good lesson for life and on not being optimistic. But now is a good time to be optimistic because you are doing your duty in serving this war. I don’t feel bad that we can’t send packages to you because even if someone could send cookies to you or something they would probably become melted and gross. But of course you could handle that because you’re in the military and super macho. Oh yeah when you reply any other kids don’t forget to say sorry that mine is better than theirs. You probably think this letter is pathetic because I should be more serious and the whole reason I sent you this letter is because I should be thankful for you serving our country but I said it twice and if you knew me well you would think that that is pretty good because I’m not the nicest person I know. I’m really hoping you’re one of those guys who has a sense of humor otherwise I might not like you because humor and talking are my life. Please don’t get offended that I might not like you and that would be because you wouldn’t have a sense of humor but as you would know that people have their ways. Oh yes I’m almost done with this letter, you should forget that this is the best letter ever and I bet you’re as excited as me that this is over because you probably hated this. In the end  thank you for serving me, you and your family because this is America. (that was corny)      Sincerely, your half friend Casey P.S I ran out of room P.P.S Reply Please.