Lie to Me

Secrets, secrets
Are no fun

Secrets, secrets
Hurt someone


When I was in college my best friend had a great line about confidentiality:  when people would say to her "If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" she would respond "No, I can't promise that, sorry."   I would be interested in what percentage of people told her anyway.

She was kidding (kind of) it but there is something very refreshing about the idea that someone is hesitant to take responsibility for harboring a secret, making you think about what you are asking of someone when you ask them to "promise?"  It is a burden, it often forces people to lie, and is difficult to manage for those who value honesty and transparency.

In my adult life, particularly professionally, there are times where an individual may confide in me and it places me in a tough position in which I feel that weight placed upon my shoulders.  I feel like I need a line like my friend to say "Are you sure you want to tell me?" without sounding untrustworthy.

There are times where the law requires you to keep something secret, something involving employment or respecting the privacy of individuals (which makes it difficult to believe that politicians aren't lying given that they are law bound). 

I don't like secrets in any form because I don't like the game of pretending like I don't know something and people dropping general hints at me until we both discover we know the same thing and suddenly the floodgates open and more secrets are poured into my wee brain.

I am finally giving in to adulthood in which I understand the weight and consequence of revealing information and I know that the more I am involved in the inner-workings of the system, education or otherwise, the more I will know about the people and events behind the scenes.  I am working on a poker face, creating internal lines in my thoughts between those things that merely inform my thinking vs. those that can actually be shared with others, and in general treating everyone I meet as a patient who requires my discretion while the diagnosis is working its way to the public ear.

The teenage me would have loved the opportunity to be a bucket for the slop of humanity but the adult me has grown out of such things and sees it not as an opportunity to collect but a curse of knowledge.

Any suggestions on how to manage such situations?