I saw this article today about Gen X women hitting a midlife crisis and as a gen-xer and 35 year old I wonder if it applies to me.
Except it doesn't.
Because unlike many women, I didn't look better when I was younger. In fact, if I look back at my college photos I probably weigh around 25 lbs heavier--or more--back then. After 4 kids and a mortgage, I do not feel in crisis mode.
I am not having a body image issue because I can probably fit into my wedding gown--that was altered to fit a thinner girl than me who borrowed it a year later.
Last week I was telling a story to a friend of mine about how on my mission in Spain a woman called on the phone and asked if I was "¿la gorda o la flaca?" and I knew that I was "la gorda" because my companion was super skinny. I used it to illustrate how it was really good for my self-confidence to live in a culture that openly identifies your worst features and when my daughter Bridget uttered a sound of pity I laughed and told her that I learned a long time ago that my real skillset was not my beauty. And then it dawned on me in that one moment--I really and truly don't care anymore that I don't rival my gorgeous college roomies. Or that I will never be the kind of woman who turns heads when I walk into a room.
Because my happiness, my real joy comes from laughing at my own snarky comments, which honestly are really funny. Mostly.
Or from working with a teacher who starts crying out of relief because I have explained how to fit a square peg into a round hole and she finally understands how to do it.
Or from hearing my kids say "mom you are awesome" because I have taught them to say that to me.
So while there was a time in my life where being beautiful seemed to be the most important thing that would always elude me, my mind has finally brainwashed itself into believing that I am beautiful in a way that people have to know me to see. And that makes me feel superior.
My gen X companions might be out seeking ways to seek their former hotness but I have decided to skip that phase and hang tight with the "comfortable in my skin" biz.
After I lose 10 pounds.
"Or from hearing my kids say "mom you are awesome" because I have taught them to say that to me."
ReplyDelete^^My favorite line. I've also taught my kids to say "your the best mom in the world". I makes other people around me think I AM the best mom in the world.
It's funny that you say this because I've seen all of us "college roomies" only get prettier with those laugh lines and occasional gray hairs. I couldn't agree more.
After I lose 10 pounds.
PS. I feel like you are superior too btw.
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Flemmy. Love it. I think I said to Gty the other day, as I was putting on my makeup "I think I'm just in the business of not being hideous these days, as opposed to trying to look hawt." And then the next day Beebs asked if I was sick. I said no. She said "Oh, you just LOOK sick cuz you don't have your makeup on yet."
ReplyDeleteI have thought about this a lot and I'm gonna say there are very few "head turners" in this world. Seriously. And I feel sorry for them. Because, as that article points out, that eventually fades and when people have their identity wrapped up in being a "head turner" they have issues...and then become that cat lady.
Thank goodness I've never been a head turner and my snarky comments are funny 87% of the time.
Love. this. post. And you really are beautiful. Awesome, snarky comments only enhance it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you aren't considering cutting down on the snark, as others before me have mentioned.
ReplyDeleteI'm fully aware that you're not fishing for compliments, so don't get mad at me for saying this. But the first time I met you, I thought, "Wow she looks like Julianna Margulies." And Julianna Margulies was not cast as George Clooney's love interest because she was the snarkiest.
ReplyDeleteAll of these comments are perfect, perfect, as was this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd you really are a hottie, Miss SkinnyPants.
I've only known you to be super cute and actually kinda hawt, so this is rather confusing to me.
ReplyDeletei think you turn heads in a room just bc of that comfortable in your skin mojo. apparently kathleen turner says she can turn every head in a room just by oozing her self.
ReplyDeleteLove you Flem! Love this piece! Can't wait to see you in a few weeks.
ReplyDeleteThe things that make you attractive to me are not physical.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. You spoke my mind. Also, I googled Julianna Margulies and I concur. You look like her. A lot.
ReplyDelete