I had a birthday last week.
In keeping with my mother's belief that I was born with a happy gene, I will make my annual accounting here with a positive spin:
--Own property. It is still standing and collecting rent.
--4 children and holding. Children who I increasingly enjoy.
--Gray hairs few and far between, current hair color is au naturale.
--Enviable marriage. Prefer to spend all free evenings with my husband and periodically become emotional thinking about how empty my life would be without him (usually during a country song or a cheesy romance).
--Job that still cries out my name.
--Body is holding steady and taking care of me in spite of how I woefully abuse it by exposing it to hundreds of thousands of miles of x-ray exposure in an airplane.
--Live in an era of instant gratification of information so I can solve all of my problems through Google. Thank you, thank you, thank you Google.
--Hundreds of acquaintances who care for me.
--Dozens of friends who love me.
--Belong to a religious community that gives me a deep sense of identity and purpose.
Not bad 37. Let's keep on keeping on.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Pinterest Dichotomies
Okay so I know you all know. But I just want to highlight for everyone the guilt I feel at BOTH wanting to eat better and be a great baker/mother/food nurturer.
Thanks Pinterest.
Thanks Pinterest.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Lie to Me
Secrets, secrets
Are no fun
Secrets, secrets
Hurt someone
When I was in college my best friend had a great line about confidentiality: when people would say to her "If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" she would respond "No, I can't promise that, sorry." I would be interested in what percentage of people told her anyway.
She was kidding (kind of) it but there is something very refreshing about the idea that someone is hesitant to take responsibility for harboring a secret, making you think about what you are asking of someone when you ask them to "promise?" It is a burden, it often forces people to lie, and is difficult to manage for those who value honesty and transparency.
In my adult life, particularly professionally, there are times where an individual may confide in me and it places me in a tough position in which I feel that weight placed upon my shoulders. I feel like I need a line like my friend to say "Are you sure you want to tell me?" without sounding untrustworthy.
There are times where the law requires you to keep something secret, something involving employment or respecting the privacy of individuals (which makes it difficult to believe that politicians aren't lying given that they are law bound).
I don't like secrets in any form because I don't like the game of pretending like I don't know something and people dropping general hints at me until we both discover we know the same thing and suddenly the floodgates open and more secrets are poured into my wee brain.
I am finally giving in to adulthood in which I understand the weight and consequence of revealing information and I know that the more I am involved in the inner-workings of the system, education or otherwise, the more I will know about the people and events behind the scenes. I am working on a poker face, creating internal lines in my thoughts between those things that merely inform my thinking vs. those that can actually be shared with others, and in general treating everyone I meet as a patient who requires my discretion while the diagnosis is working its way to the public ear.
The teenage me would have loved the opportunity to be a bucket for the slop of humanity but the adult me has grown out of such things and sees it not as an opportunity to collect but a curse of knowledge.
Any suggestions on how to manage such situations?
Are no fun
Secrets, secrets
Hurt someone
When I was in college my best friend had a great line about confidentiality: when people would say to her "If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" she would respond "No, I can't promise that, sorry." I would be interested in what percentage of people told her anyway.
She was kidding (kind of) it but there is something very refreshing about the idea that someone is hesitant to take responsibility for harboring a secret, making you think about what you are asking of someone when you ask them to "promise?" It is a burden, it often forces people to lie, and is difficult to manage for those who value honesty and transparency.
In my adult life, particularly professionally, there are times where an individual may confide in me and it places me in a tough position in which I feel that weight placed upon my shoulders. I feel like I need a line like my friend to say "Are you sure you want to tell me?" without sounding untrustworthy.
There are times where the law requires you to keep something secret, something involving employment or respecting the privacy of individuals (which makes it difficult to believe that politicians aren't lying given that they are law bound).
I don't like secrets in any form because I don't like the game of pretending like I don't know something and people dropping general hints at me until we both discover we know the same thing and suddenly the floodgates open and more secrets are poured into my wee brain.
I am finally giving in to adulthood in which I understand the weight and consequence of revealing information and I know that the more I am involved in the inner-workings of the system, education or otherwise, the more I will know about the people and events behind the scenes. I am working on a poker face, creating internal lines in my thoughts between those things that merely inform my thinking vs. those that can actually be shared with others, and in general treating everyone I meet as a patient who requires my discretion while the diagnosis is working its way to the public ear.
The teenage me would have loved the opportunity to be a bucket for the slop of humanity but the adult me has grown out of such things and sees it not as an opportunity to collect but a curse of knowledge.
Any suggestions on how to manage such situations?
Friday, January 27, 2012
Authentic Dining Experiences
In my opinion, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who will pay for a $100 dinner, and those who will not.
You know which group you fit with--I am not talking about variables like "well, if I had a spare $100 floating around on the ground" or "if someone else paid for it" I am talking about the general concept of your willingness to spend money on your meal.
If you don't know which group to which I belong, you do not know me as well as you thought.
*This week I was in New York and ate dinner at Da Umberto in Manhattan. For those who have not eaten at a really high quality restaurant, there is no point in even trying to imagine it. What was wonderful about this particular place was not just the food, which I will get into in a minute, but the ambiance.
I am pretty certain that 100% of the wait staff were genuine Italians. The accents were thick, sing-songy, and the rolling of the Rs was like watching a broadway theater production. I was riveted by the pronunciation of every last offering from the "For the ah especial this evening, we have the ah... rrrrrisoootto with the ah, butternaut esquash" to the "oh maybe you like a combo of the feeg and estrawberry gelaaaato?" to the "no, it no have the pancetta, it have the prosciutto." Some people do not want a belabored dissertation for dinner but as for me and mine? When it has the accent and beautiful descriptions, it is an audible treat.
It doesn't hurt that in general, the swarthy Italian waiters look you straight in the eye as they are pouring more water.
We had some of everything and perhaps part of the reason why these meals are so much money is that the waiters make the food sound so tempting that you won't say no to tacking on something here and there. Something like, ah, thees?
My favorite was the sun-dried tomato ravioli with the goat cheese and some herb or other but it was almost a tie with the fried baby artichokes and the pancetta-wrapped chicken breast with pecorino cheese. Our table held a collective moment of silence in honor of the great flavor. And of course a chocolate mousse for dessert.
It was a tremendous memory and much more valuable to me than any concert or play. Because for me, my deepest connections are with the food I eat and the people I am with. As my mother aptly noted, "Lee Ann, I eat to live while you live to eat."
Amen, mamma mia.
*Disclaimer: My work pays for my meals when I travel but if we go over a reasonable amount which is very rare, we pitch in our own money and in the story above and others like it, my colleagues and I put up our own money to make up the difference so that we are not using sacred education dollars for my personal indulgences.
You know which group you fit with--I am not talking about variables like "well, if I had a spare $100 floating around on the ground" or "if someone else paid for it" I am talking about the general concept of your willingness to spend money on your meal.
If you don't know which group to which I belong, you do not know me as well as you thought.
*This week I was in New York and ate dinner at Da Umberto in Manhattan. For those who have not eaten at a really high quality restaurant, there is no point in even trying to imagine it. What was wonderful about this particular place was not just the food, which I will get into in a minute, but the ambiance.
I am pretty certain that 100% of the wait staff were genuine Italians. The accents were thick, sing-songy, and the rolling of the Rs was like watching a broadway theater production. I was riveted by the pronunciation of every last offering from the "For the ah especial this evening, we have the ah... rrrrrisoootto with the ah, butternaut esquash" to the "oh maybe you like a combo of the feeg and estrawberry gelaaaato?" to the "no, it no have the pancetta, it have the prosciutto." Some people do not want a belabored dissertation for dinner but as for me and mine? When it has the accent and beautiful descriptions, it is an audible treat.
It doesn't hurt that in general, the swarthy Italian waiters look you straight in the eye as they are pouring more water.
We had some of everything and perhaps part of the reason why these meals are so much money is that the waiters make the food sound so tempting that you won't say no to tacking on something here and there. Something like, ah, thees?
My favorite was the sun-dried tomato ravioli with the goat cheese and some herb or other but it was almost a tie with the fried baby artichokes and the pancetta-wrapped chicken breast with pecorino cheese. Our table held a collective moment of silence in honor of the great flavor. And of course a chocolate mousse for dessert.
It was a tremendous memory and much more valuable to me than any concert or play. Because for me, my deepest connections are with the food I eat and the people I am with. As my mother aptly noted, "Lee Ann, I eat to live while you live to eat."
Amen, mamma mia.
*Disclaimer: My work pays for my meals when I travel but if we go over a reasonable amount which is very rare, we pitch in our own money and in the story above and others like it, my colleagues and I put up our own money to make up the difference so that we are not using sacred education dollars for my personal indulgences.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Aspirations
As you may know, I am undereducated for the company I keep and the work that I do. I have a BA and I had a teaching license for the state of California that expired when we moved from Sacramento to Santa Barbara. I let it expire for a handful of reasons, the top reason being that my job transition went something like this:
July of 2007
In there somewhere was me needing to get my license cleared and renewed. It would have been a good idea but starting a new job, moving out of the area, trying to sell our house, and having Steve start grad school all made the license bit seem unimportant. And UNpossible.
Now after 5 years of national reform work, I look around and see that no only do I NOT have a teaching license, but most everyone I work with has an administrative license and Master's Degree.
It is time for me to go back to school. So I met with a woman at the Educational Leadership program at BYU and I got really excited about applying to their program for a Master's Degree in education. Yay!
It is also preparation for administrative license (Steve has proclaimed that me as a principal is "pretty much his biggest nightmare" so that part is less appealing to some members of the family) which will make me (pending getting in and being able to complete the program) eligible for the administrative job market right around the time Steve goes on the job market.
To be honest I have the perfect job. I love the work I do, I have tremendous co-workers, and there is something invigorating and stirring about the national landscape in education that makes working in one school seem unappealing. But the travel is hard as my children get older, so perhaps one day I can find a way to do both the local work and stay connected to national work, who knows?
For now, I am simply working to get accepted into this program and I have a couple of black holes in my application that is stressing me out:
1) I can't get the state of Utah to recognize my teaching background. They said that five years in California is all fine and dandy but I have to prove I can teach here by getting a license here and teaching for a year. I can imagine quitting work and moving to take on a leadership position in a community school or district, but taking Utah beginning teacher's salary? I can't even fathom what that would be like. So while I can still apply to the program at BYU, it makes me a less appealing candidate.
2) I bombed the math portion of the GRE. I will admit I did not study aggressively given that I decided to take the test in December and had three weeks of prep time, including the 2 weeks my children were on break. So focusing several minutes of my time on questions like "If B is the midsection between A and C, is AC and x>0, which of the following quantities is larger: x or ACDC?" was more than my poor pea brain could handle. I scored somewhere around the 30th percentile, yikes!! That means 70% of the people who take that test outscore me. Steve pointed out that I did help another person in there by bumping up their score by a small portion so that gives me some comfort at least. I did get the 84% for verbal so I am hoping that they still let me in the program given that my ability to solve for x is pretty pathetic.
The deadline for application is February 15th, the day after I turn 37. I hope that I don't get rejected too quickly so I can enjoy my late 30s as much as possible. I have everything completed now other than a letter explaining why I don't have a license.
Wish me luck!
July of 2007
- Plan pioneering graduation ceremony, scholarship and senior awards ceremony for first seniors of school
- Hold graduation ceremony on Friday
- Take group of students to Europe, leave on Sunday
- Return from trip on Tuesday of following week
- Start new job Wednesday (the next day) in Napa for a week
- Pack up and clean our house to ready it for sale (ha!)
- Move to Santa Barbara
In there somewhere was me needing to get my license cleared and renewed. It would have been a good idea but starting a new job, moving out of the area, trying to sell our house, and having Steve start grad school all made the license bit seem unimportant. And UNpossible.
Now after 5 years of national reform work, I look around and see that no only do I NOT have a teaching license, but most everyone I work with has an administrative license and Master's Degree.
It is time for me to go back to school. So I met with a woman at the Educational Leadership program at BYU and I got really excited about applying to their program for a Master's Degree in education. Yay!
It is also preparation for administrative license (Steve has proclaimed that me as a principal is "pretty much his biggest nightmare" so that part is less appealing to some members of the family) which will make me (pending getting in and being able to complete the program) eligible for the administrative job market right around the time Steve goes on the job market.
To be honest I have the perfect job. I love the work I do, I have tremendous co-workers, and there is something invigorating and stirring about the national landscape in education that makes working in one school seem unappealing. But the travel is hard as my children get older, so perhaps one day I can find a way to do both the local work and stay connected to national work, who knows?
For now, I am simply working to get accepted into this program and I have a couple of black holes in my application that is stressing me out:
1) I can't get the state of Utah to recognize my teaching background. They said that five years in California is all fine and dandy but I have to prove I can teach here by getting a license here and teaching for a year. I can imagine quitting work and moving to take on a leadership position in a community school or district, but taking Utah beginning teacher's salary? I can't even fathom what that would be like. So while I can still apply to the program at BYU, it makes me a less appealing candidate.
2) I bombed the math portion of the GRE. I will admit I did not study aggressively given that I decided to take the test in December and had three weeks of prep time, including the 2 weeks my children were on break. So focusing several minutes of my time on questions like "If B is the midsection between A and C, is AC and x>0, which of the following quantities is larger: x or ACDC?" was more than my poor pea brain could handle. I scored somewhere around the 30th percentile, yikes!! That means 70% of the people who take that test outscore me. Steve pointed out that I did help another person in there by bumping up their score by a small portion so that gives me some comfort at least. I did get the 84% for verbal so I am hoping that they still let me in the program given that my ability to solve for x is pretty pathetic.
The deadline for application is February 15th, the day after I turn 37. I hope that I don't get rejected too quickly so I can enjoy my late 30s as much as possible. I have everything completed now other than a letter explaining why I don't have a license.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Box of My Life
Today I saw something that exemplified the daily grind, the things that make parenting difficult for me. I think it is self-explanatory but feel free to leave questions or interpretations.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
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