A Tragic Affair

Dear Sugar,

I think we need to reevaluate our relationship. I thought I was clear with you about wanting to be just friends, but every time I go on a trip for work, you call me and want to get together. A lot. You aren't satisfied with the regular 3 or 4 times a week, you call me constantly and then make an appearance wearing that chocolate outfit you know I love so much.

Yesterday I saw you across the room and tried to make it clear that Protein and I are trying to get to know each other, but there you were, spending time with Protein just to get close to me.

This morning, Veggies and I were hanging out and then you randomly showed up on my plate. I guess here in the Midwest you let yourself get around a little more than usual hidden in a yellow corn cloak, which frankly should embarrass you.

I know I have said this before, but I need you to stop calling me. Stop showing up wherever you know I will be and please, for the love of all that is holy, stop sneaking around my hotels. If I see your face at check in or in my room waiting to take advantage of me because I am tired, it will push me over the edge. If you really and truly love me, please let me go.

I am going to take a break from you over the next few months and when I go to Spain next week and ignore you, please understand that it isn't you, it is me. I need to get these feelings under control and plan on a torrid affair with Dairy for a few weeks just to stop myself from thinking about you.

I hope you can forget me though truly, I will never forget you.

PS Please tell your cousin Aspartame to quit hitting on me, he is such a sleaze bag.

From el iPad