Does anyone have any strategies to prevent kids from fighting? I mean, besides the obvious of taking time out to play with them so they don't get bored?
Examples:
1) Who sits in front row of van (next to baby Meg). We have assigned days for this, but if we are just hopping on over someplace, one person is already in the car, we have a fight over this each time. I say "respect the day" but it still is an issue since often times we get in the car with more people or fewer and then the circumstances change (like do I really have to make Bridget sit in the back if Casey is not in the car? But then we pick up Casey and he wants to sit in front.)
2) Chores. The kids together make a mess at the table, I ask them to clean up and they leave like five things on the table. When I tell one kid to clean it up, inevitably an argument breaks out over who "got it out" vs. who "played with it." I have given up on the argument of "well I am always cleaning up stuff I didn't get out or play with" because they just don't care. Who should have to clean up those five things? And no I wasn't watching to see who got it out.
3) Discipline. When I am punishing one kid, the others decide to hop in "yeah, Bridget, you were being really mean." I always say "hey let me deal with this, k?" but no one cares.
4) General hitting. I dislike this one intensely and have no idea what to do. I get sooo burned out on hearing Bridget say "CASEY!" that I want to ban his name. Except then I can't use it. Also she uses it in a good way to say "Casey look at this cool trick!" which I like.
5) "No one wants to play with me." Mainly uttered by my four year old. It just makes me sad thats all.
Any advice out there for this sad soul?
PS Returning home tomorrow we hope!
I'm gonna have to agree with 3-5 up there. Let me know what you come up with.
ReplyDelete1)I'm a "get out of so&so's seat right now or else they get to sit there the rest of the week" kind of a mom. "Respect the day" seems way to timid for my taste.
ReplyDelete2) Chores... I say "K, I'll clean it up... straight in to the garbage can." I mean it 98% of the time so they know I mean business. I've been known to throw a lot of crap away that I've been wanting to throw away anyway.
3) Again, I say "You stay out of it or you're going to get in just as much trouble. This is nunya and nacho."
4) We won't allow JBird to start any sentence with "But Tbone!..." anymore cuz it was getting out of control. So I hear ya on this one sistah.
5) Sad. But she'll be stronger for it in the long run.
1) Hmmm, maybe you should make up a "if other siblings aren't in the car" stipulation, in which they can sit in the wrong seat if they agree to immediately move when sib arrives, otherwise, they have to sit in their assigned seat.
ReplyDelete2) As far as the "five pieces left" complaint, I always say, "Well, I didn't get any of it out, so it's not fair to make me clean it up." Then I glare at them.
3) I go, "this is none of your bees wax, I'm the boss, applesauce." Then I glare at them.
4) If my 3 year old hits, he goes into the dreaded time-out ("sit on the stairs and watch the clock.") If my older kids fight about anything, I refuse to get sucked into the "who did what" nonsense, and I send both of them to their room (they share a room) and tell them they can't come out until they work out their differences. They've gotten pretty good at working out fights on their own, admitting what they did wrong, etc. Even if it's clear who was at fault, I still make them both go to their room and work it out, and the one who was wrong eventually admits it and apologizes (in order to get out).
5) Yeah, my 3 year old is the odd one out. But he's gotten good at playing independently, and on Nick Jr dot com.
Not that I'm good at keeping my kids under control, but I have learned a lot from Amy's preschool teacher. She is just a completely no nonsense person. She doesn't allow fighting, and she is the boss and there is no arguing with her. She is extremely firm, but she never gets angry (it is amazing...). She makes the kids talk to each other about their problems. I've been very surprised at the creative solutions my kids come up with on their own (and they are no more "fair" than my solutions) but they will honor them because they are their own. Of course that doesn't work with chores because then they are bargaining with me, but they are really great with each other. They decide on their own whose turn it is and how to share and how much is whose. My kids fight over the seat at the dinner table. My solution was I sit in the coveted seat. On their own, they figured out how they both fit in seat. If I had suggested sharing the seat I'm sure they would have complained about being squished and poked, but since it was their own idea there is never a peep.
ReplyDeleteAbout cleaning things up, I have started putting everything in the garage that isn't cleaned up. At one point we had more toys in the garage than in the house. And now I've come to the conclusion that they can't keep things cleaned up because they have too much crap. I'm ready to take it all to Goodwill. And then they just got a whole bunch of new crap for Christmas. I really think they just need less crap. So I like Landee's idea of throwing things away, I'm going to try it.
And THIS is why I asked. Excellent advice people!!
ReplyDeleteI thought it was funny to logon and see your post asking for parenting advice. After you were here I was contemplating my lack of parenting skills which always seem more glaring when around someone you don't see often. I see how well your kids obey and they don't point at you to clean up their "monkey business." I just added another resolution to my 3-page list.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, so so so good to have you here today. You are the stuff a great friend is made of: interesting and interested. I could talk to you endlessly and you would still amaze me with all your experiences and know-how. Love you muchissimo.
You definitely hit on the sticky ones! Have you ever read "Siblings without Rivalry"? I think you'd like it. It's all about how to set up your kids to solve their own problems and then remove yourself from the equation to give them space to do so.
ReplyDeleteFor lots of sibling issues, I just say something like, "Oh, you're upset about that" or "Hm, what can you do about that?" so they realize I'm not going to solve their problem for them.
Bummer we never got a chance to see you again! We're definitely sucked into reunion vortex--not a bad thing!
re: #5- If I was 4 I'd totally play with her.
ReplyDelete