She had her own agenda in general, and she never found a satisfying marital relationship (though she certainly tried with four marriages/divorces under her belt) but her main goal in life was to raise a child who was happy, confident, and successful.
She pushed me to succeed in school. She wanted me to believe in myself. She wanted me to enjoy my life. I have to say that I am happy and confident (in most areas) and I consider having a job that I love and a happy marriage to be criteria of my personal success (though another bathroom might seal the deal.) I hope my mom died happy that she had done her work on this earth.
Though she was amazing, she did it mostly on her own. Hippieartist was left out of the picture until I was 10 years old. I missed out on some prime family time not only with my dad but with his whole family whom in my adult life I have grown to love and appreciate beyond what I knew was possible. I think I know now why people spend most of their personal time with their families and friends are an asterisk as opposed to the other way around which is my personal M.O.
Anywho, I went to a family reunion up at my uncle's house in the Cali CV (Ceres to be exact) and all my dad's sibs were there with all of their kids and the kid's kids. Three generations of people all swimming together (add my second cousin, Carl Leo, and his chocolate lab who jumped in the pool along with us) really made me think about who I am.
You always think of your traits as pieces of you inherited from your parents but inseparable is the nurture piece--do I repeat myself all the time because I saw my mom do it or do I do that because genetically I am predisposed to do so?
The phrases that we say, perhaps our diction or emphasis, must come from the home environment. But what about other things--personal generosity, willingness to try new things, personal loathing for household chores or packrat tendencies--are these things that we witnessed, or things that make up our genetic code?
I feel like I have more to ponder in this area because I had very little contact with my father's family until it was too late to have been exposed to many of their personal habits.
(Side note: I got to know my grandpa slightly more than others and as a result I love peanut butter in all forms, particularly when you add sweetened condensed milk, like on top of pancakes, though that might be genetic too)
So when I spent the weekend with my father's family I felt like I fit in. I have different personal habits and lifestyle choices, but I feel like there is a place where I can walk in the door and I don't have to change who I am in any way becuase, well, we are all family.
A few things that make me feel at home:
1) Food. Good food--not like quinoa and whole grain but like bacon and brown sugar baked beans, texas sheet cake, and some really amazing chocolate chip cookies. Oh and the BBQ is good stuff too. Weight problems are an issue for everyone, though a lot of them out of a desire to live longer have dropped a few here and there.
2) Mockery. Everyone mocks everyone else but no one gets offended. Or at least on the spot.
3) Total confidence in all personal opinions. Everyone sounds like an authority on all issues.
4) Come as you are mentality. Three times people have shown up to family events as long lost children or siblings and each time the family has embraced these people with open arms. If you are even remotely related, or a friend of a relative, you are family.
There are some other things but I can't quantify anything else as clearly.
These are the five "babies" born in the last two years. Only two are matched up with the parents, two are with grandparents. See if you can identify Meg in the pic:
The rest of these are of my kids in the pool, from 11 am to 5:30 pm. No lie. I reapplied sunscreen twice but they still got burned. I hope to be getting some other pictures, but between being in the pool myself and taking care of all my kids (and batteries in my camera dying) I didn't get any pics. Thanks to my Aunt Judy for remembering to take pictures. Incidentally, another trait of this family is to give away everything you own. My aunt went to staples and saw that there were a bunch of school supplies on sale so she went back twice in order to get enough stuff to give to us. 20 spiral notepads and another ten reams of paper, pencil boxes, pencils, erasers, and who knows what else was in the bag. I can't tell you the last time I saw a Casey relative when they didn't give me something to take home.
So whether it is nature or nurture, these are my kind of people and my kinds of parties. I hope to be able to spend some time with them each year and that no one else dies for at least ten more years.
I would have loved to witness such familial enjoyment. I'm glad you've found it.
ReplyDeleteI love this post.
ReplyDeleteI sort of wish I was a Casey. But I will settle for freighbor.
This is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSo touching. I wonder about that very thing with my kids... how much of their little personalities are shaped by us and what they just come with already.
ReplyDeleteHow fortunate to connect with extended family in your adult life and fit right in. They must be the best sort of people, to be so welcoming.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally sent you an email about that staples sell! Did you get it? Guess you didn't need to go anyway, on account of your aunt who gives stuff away.
lovely post, fabulous family:)
ReplyDeletei have wondered much abt the nurture/nature thing, as i only grew up with my mother and don't know, nor do i feel any desire to know, the other parent. i've met him, last time when i was 14, but there was no bonding, though i did bond with my grandmother, may she rest in peace.
curiously, i have the weirdest habits from him, though, or so says my mum. things like work ethic and allergies i'd put down to nature, but a genetic handing down of an odd sense of humour, preference for certain sporty activities, and a penchant for certain foods (like you mentioned) kinda puzzles me. especially when one grows up with one set of sense of humour, if you will, no sports what so ever, and strict dietary rules based on lack of money.
it's too weird, this gene thing! :)
xx