Childless??

So some couples just do not have children. Not because they can't but because they just are not interested.

For those who do not have children my kind of people are referred to as "breeders." While this is meant with disdain, those of us who are breeders do not take it offensively and to the contrary might even wear it with a badge of pride as in, I am doing the duty of my generation to maintain the population, economy, etc. In terms of the evolutionary battle, we are, as it were, the winners, because our genetic code will long outlast the presence on this earth of those without progeny. So what do we call these non-breeders? For people who cannot have children but want children, the term "childless" seems heartless and cruel (at least to breeders). But for people who choose not to have children, I wonder if the term is an insult.

A Harvard Professor completed a study on "happiness" and determined that those without children are indeed happier. Those with children were of course up in arms because how could we have been so stupid? The study must be wrong.

I do not question this study. I believe that people without children honestly believe that they are happier. Even now as my family is reading together, three children on the couch listening to a reading of Watership Down, and one playing happily in her room, I know my minutes are *numbered. I know that the second this blog is completed (or before), I must cook or clean, get someone ready for church, play a game of monopoly (star wars clone wars edition which is awesome btw), or even worse and more likely, break up a fight of some kind.

I do not have any alone time nor do I have the indulgence of paying attention to my own needs on a minute-to-minute basis. If I want "time alone" it requires the sacrifice of my partner in crime who might want time alone to actually complete his program.

My "happiest" moments are really more about short-lived peace and harmony, a house of cards.

As a woman who considers myself happy AND a mother of four, here are my comments on the study:

1) How can you compare apples and oranges? Can a woman who has never felt the joy of a child believing in her unconditionally really know that she has missed out? Can a man who has never heard a child say "because my dad says so" know that he could be happier?

2) How can you quantify happiness? Is being able to go to your hot yoga class anytime of day with no constraints happiness? Is going out to eat without considering child care what makes a soul joyful?

3) What were the ages of the people in the study? 30-year old women who have a career that fulfills their lives compared to the 30-year olds of my demographic who are doing more laundry a day than their childless counterparts do in a week? I would like to see a sincere comparison of 60 year-old women who are childless, and the breeders with grandchildren AND free time. Now that humans live to be 80 years old on average and you can enjoy 20 years of retirement without children regardless of your childless/breeder status, is there a difference in the happiness levels there?

4) Were we born to be enjoy every single minute of our day? Or look back on our weeks and feel productive? Are lions happier when they hunt, eat, die, or are they happier when they hunt, provide for their children, then eat, see a continuance of their genetic code, and then die? Even more importantly, can you truly be like a creator, a God if you do not have children yourself? Can you understand the relationship we must try to develop with our Heavenly Father if we are not fathers and mothers ourselves?

5) There are a lot of myths about raising children that the childless might celebrate mistakenly and add to their happiness. Gaining weight per child for example--true that the body rearranges, but research indicates that women simply gain weight as they age and women with children only have on average 1-2 more lbs per child. There is the myth that you must pay for your child's college education. You can do so, but there are other ways to pay for college (scholarships, grants, and loans, and heaven forbid, working your way through school). There is also a myth that a woman is more fulfilled working than having children or that you can't do both (though it is hard peeps). A childless woman might say "I am so glad I have my career and I am not getting fat while saving my money for college when I can be thinny thinnerson and spend my hard-earned money on my iphone instead" and THINK they are happier when a woman with children might say "thank goodness I have time to go to the gym that provides childcare so I can be fit and I am buying an iphone since my kids are paying for their own college experience."

Lastly, this study about the happiness factor works well in my favor so I say, study on. Find more reasons to convince people not to have children. The fewer children that people have, the more likely it is that my genetic code will live on as the rescuers of society, those who make decisions that will affect the future. The childless who die without heirs must put their money elsewhere, like donating to art programs which my children can benefit from, or to hospice, which I myself can benefit from someday. The more people decide not to have children, the more that women like Nancy Pelosi (5) Sarah Palin (5) and Soledad O'Brien (4) will seem amazing for both a successful career and a happy family.

Here is a kind of funny article in Newsweek about the study.

So the real question on this post is what do you call a non-breeder? A evolutionary dead end seems rude.

* During the course of this post I changed a messy diaper, wet bedding, broke up two fights, settled an argument, said "no" to 5 requests, and asked twice for children to be more gentle with the baby.