On Food Issues

I grew up in with a petite mamá. She averaged around 115 lbs at 5'4"

After I outweighed her in 9th grade she would regularly make comments like "if you want to be thinner, just lose weight!" Or better yet "I eat to live, you live to eat." I was not allowed to eat sugar under any circumstances and Trick-or-Treating was out of the question. Yes, I know, it seems abusive. We had Grape Nuts cereal or some other cereal that as a kid seemed horrible but as an adult I love. No dessert except on holidays when my mom would make some reasonably tasty apple pie and ice cream. She was constantly saying she was too fat and that made me, who was clearly bigger than her, feel super insecure.

She wasn't super mean she just made me feel like I was a little fatty. Once my oldest was born she called me and said I should be a model for plus size magazines.

Anyway so I have some kind of confidence issues with my body and I do have to work to keep my weight down. I am currently engaged in a reduction of calorie experience which is going well, thank you. You can imagine, however, that the last thing on earth I want to have happen to my daughters is that they too have food issues so I have vowed never to say things like "I am so fat" or "I need to lose some weight." I of course track my calories on Lose It! the best app ever invented, but I try to refer to it as healthy maintenance and not even mention weight.

Enter my children and their love affair with sugar and dessert. They unfortunately inherited this so I am trying early on to build in a sense of healthy and unhealthy but without the psychosis of body image. This morning Bridget was slicing up some bread that was on the counter and she got out the ingredients to make some honey butter. I was opposed to this for two reasons:
1) The total mess that she would inevitably create and
2) The sugar overload

We eat too many desserts as it is and to throw some honey butter on some perfectly healthy bread that already has honey in the recipe was just too much for me. Also I am cranky and tired from transition weekend (the two days immediately following a work trip in which I realize that I can no longer operate independently of others) so it turned into a showdown.

I told her she could choose between the honey butter and the pancakes/syrup that we were planning because it was just too much sugar. It ended with her running into her room shouting "I don't understand why it is so important to be healthy!"

My spouse wisely commented that the implementation of the policy was not ideal nor had we discussed this low sugar policy as a family so I stormed off and took a shower to get over my irritation and get ready for church.

While in the shower I realize that THIS is a food issue. This is precisely what I promised myself I would never do to my daughter. She is 7 years old and very healthy and active. Her clothes are all stained (which resulted of course in later showdown over clothing though I threw most of them away which has resulted in much fewer clothing issues thanks for the advice) from running around and playing hard at school and in the neighborhood. Honey butter isn't super healthy but was it really worth disrupting everyone's morning? I also realize that I am glad that I have a hands-on hubby who isn't going to just sit back and let me dig myself into the holes in which I have promised never to fall or push my kids

So I decide on two things:
a) I am going to decide what exactly is the policy on sugar items
b) I am never going to forbid my kids from eating something without making the policy clear prior (like you can not have dessert without eating your veggies, etc.)

I called Bridget in the room to discuss it and told her that if that comes up again she should say to me "let's not make food an issue, k?" to remind me of my own agreement. She laughed and said "it's okay mama."

So what do other people do out there to keep their kids healthy without overly focusing on the body thing?